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The Bare Necessities—Andrew Shaffer (GREAT PHILOSOPHERS WHO FAILED AT LOVE)

2011 at 5am Posted by Rebecca Joines Schinsky

The Bare Necessities is a series in which authors and book industry professionals share annotated reading lists of books they love.

Andrew Shaffer is the author of Great Philosophers Who Failed at Love, a fabulously fun collection of essays about the myriad ways in which some of the world’s greatest thinkers were also some of the world’s worst lovers. He is also the founder of the humorous greeting card company Order of St Nick. He’s here today sharing his twist on essential football reading.

We’re nearing the end of the college bowl season, which means that the holidays are officially coming to a close. I’m going to miss writing with bowl games on in the background, even though my word count will probably triple. The constant motion in a football game can be disorienting to write alongside, whereas baseball games tend to hum along at their own pace in the background, not bothering those of us trying to get something done except when a run scores. Perhaps it’s for the best. Football is not, at its heart, a writer’s sport like baseball; football is a brute’s sport, and most writers are not brutes.

Every year, a couple dozen football books are pumped into bookstores, mostly memoirs by ex-players or coaches with self-congratulatory titles that imply their success with the pigskin can somehow alter the reader’s life (Do You Love Football?! Winning With Heart, Passion, and Not Much Sleep by Jon Gruden, Quiet Strength: The Principles, Practices, and Priorities of a Winning Life by Tony Dungy). I can’t imagine why anyone who’s not a diehard fan of the coaches or players’ teams would have reason to pick up a glorified yearbook like A Team to Believe In: Our Journey to the Super Bowl Championship by Tom Coughlin.

No offense to the ghostwriters who work hard to churn out such flotsam, but here are some of my picks for the reader who likes football (as opposed to books for the football fan who happens to read):

Hero of the Underground by Jason Peter and Tony O’Neill
Jason Peter, co-captain of the 1997-98 Nebraska Cornhuskers college championship team, recounts the improbable story of a jock that became a junkie. Peter’s story reads as the anti-Peyton Manning story — fitting, since Peter’s Cornhuskers crushed Manning in the championship game in 1998. It’s part football memoir and part drug memoir, and a gripping read that I read through in two nights. In several chapters, it’s difficult to distinguish Peter’s rush from playing football from the rush of legal and illegal drug abuse. His story is all too common in the football meat market, where young talent is bulked up, chewed up, and spit out when their bodies start to break down. The only difference is that Jason Peter filled the void left in his life with crack and heroin, whereas few players (and ex-players) ever reach such extremes of addiction. Major props to co-writer Tony O’Neill.

It Never Rains in Tiger Stadium by John Ed Bradley
Bradley has written a thoughtful, somber, and poetic memoir that reads as the flip-side to Jason Peter’s drug-fueled Hero of the Underground. Every page is brimming with emotion, whether it’s love or hate of the game of football. There’s not much action here, so it’s not a rip-roaring read–it doesn’t ever fully grip the reader in its clutches. This is partially due to the non-linear format. The chapters aren’t ordered like a plot, and some readers may lose interest because of that. Could Bradley be too good of a writer for football fans to handle? I hope not. Bradley didn’t win a Superbowl or a college National Championship; in fact, he never even tried out for the NFL. Instead of a football player who happens to write, John Ed Bradley is a writer who happened to play football.

Playing for Pizza by John Grisham
Despite its unique subject matter (an American football player in Italy), Grisham fumbles in Playing for Pizza. Grisham’s always been more of a plot guy. That’s not a problem in the thriller genre where plot is typically king, but when the plot is as thin as it is here, Grisham’s workmanlike writing style and characterization aren’t enough to hold much interest. One Amazon reviewer called Playing for Pizza “travel guide writing and food porn”; I don’t disagree. The central character, Rick, is shallow, ignorant, and wonders how “easy” the Italian cheerleaders are. So I can’t say I would recommend this one. Moving along…

Huddle With Me Tonight by Farrah Rochon
Yes, the cover features a shirtless man, football gripped tightly in hand, who’s been Photoshopped onto a football field. Yes, Huddle With Me Tonight is part of Harlequin’s “Kimani Hotties” line. And, yes, there’s a fictional pro football team with a rather phallic name (“the yummiest men in football, the New York Sabers”). But make no mistake: this is the work of a true football fanatic. Rochon, a native of football-obsessed Southern Louisiana, has an uncle and a cousin who both play for the NFL, and she injects the romance genre with some real gridiron action. Book two in her New York Sabers series, I’ll Catch You, is out in March.

Game of Shadows by Mark Fainaru-Wada
No matter what your position on steroids in sports, this is a well-researched page turner. Not technically a football book, but stay with me: Fainaru-Wada and Williams spent two years investigating the BALCO “sports nutrition” center and its founder Victor Conte. Conte is a former bass player (most notably with Tower of Power) who provided “nutritional supplements” to such top tier athletes as Olympic gold medalist Marion Jones, MLB juicer Barry Bonds, and NFL player Bill Romanowski. See? There’s one football player. That counts.

I really thought I could find five football books to recommend. That didn’t happen. I totally cheated with that last pick. Game of Shadows is mostly about baseball — the subtitle is “Barry Bonds, BALCO, and the Steroids Scandal that Rocked Professional Sports.” I thought that, by leaving the subtitle off, I could trick you into thinking it’s sort of a football book. But it’s just too much of a stretch.

There are several books in my to-be-read pile that are football-related (most notably, Where Men Win Glory: The Odyssey of Pat Tillman by Jon Krakauer), and perhaps I could have included one of those and lied about reading it. But what’s the point? Baseball season will be starting in just a few short months, which means a slew of new baseball books on shelves will probably replace the football books that I want to get to. It’s okay — there’s always next year.

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7 Responses to “The Bare Necessities—Andrew Shaffer (GREAT PHILOSOPHERS WHO FAILED AT LOVE)”

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Sandy on January 6th, 2011 1:22 pm

Well, may I be so bold to offer that this guy is quite handsome? I would also like to add that the autobiography of Drew Brees, Coming Back Stronger, was an incredible read, whether you are a fan of the Saints, football, or none of the above.
Sandy´s last [type] ..Laika – Nick Abadzis
Andrew Shaffer on January 6th, 2011 5:05 pm

@ Sandy – I haven’t read Drew Brees’s book (since I skip most of the bio books), but I’ll add it to my TBR list. Thanks for the recommendation!
Andrew Shaffer´s last [type] ..Other Books Out This Week
Rebecca Rasmussen on January 6th, 2011 5:51 pm

I think you are brave to try to find five great football books!
Jeff Abbott on January 7th, 2011 10:04 am

Obviously as a hardcore Saints fan, I am a bit biased but — the Drew Brees book, Coming Back Stronger, is really good. He talks not only about football, but how he lives his life and he’s overcome a lot of problems and tragedies. Sean Payton’s book, Home Team, on coaching the Saints to the Super Bowl, though, is laugh out loud funny in parts. It’s my favorite football book. My wife–who had never read a football book in her life–loved it.
Jeff Abbott´s last [type] ..Guestbook
Katie on January 7th, 2011 10:04 am

Other great football books: Friday Night Lights (a genre-defining classic); Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer (great on rivalry and obsession) and The Blind Side (much more thoughtful and interesting than the movie)
Andrew Shaffer on January 7th, 2011 1:44 pm

Thanks for the recommendations, Jeff and Katie! I’ll have to add those to my list as well (for next year…the baseball books are begging for my attention soon…).
Andrew Shaffer´s last [type] ..Other Books Out This Week