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Aug
26
I Can Haz Pillow Talk!
2010 at 5am Posted by Rebecca Joines Schinsky
My IRL friends like to joke that I eat the internet for breakfast. On good days, I feel like this is true. You know, those are the days when I’m managing to blog, tweet, respond to email, and somehow READ THE BOOKS that make this whole machine keep spinning in the first place, and I’m doing it productively.
(As opposed to most days, when I’m doing it all and feeling like nothing is getting done. I think there’s something to the idea that multitasking actually makes us less efficient.)
But where was I? Oh, yes, eating the internet for breakfast.
Those are the good days, but on the bad days, I feel more like the internet has eaten me. Or, my brain, to be more precise.
Those are the days when Bob hands me a cup of coffee, and I respond not with “thank you,” but “I can haz coffee?” Or when a friend delivers bad news and I say not, “God, I’m so sorry,” but “Oh, sadface.” I know. It’s bad. The interweb speak is creeping into my daily life.
And now it has made its way into the bedroom.
I give you Pillow Talk: The “Internet is Evil” Edition.
So, we’re lying in bed the other night, and I’m telling Bob about how two of my close friends are pregnant, and now it seems like everyone around me is all YAY BABIES!
Me: It’s just weird, you know? All of a sudden it’s like ALL BABIES, ALL THE TIME. I feel like I’m defective or something for not having baby fever.
Bob: (channeling The Big Lebowski) You want a baby? I can get you a baby.
Both: You want a toe? I can get you a toe.
(This was one of those moments of “couple brain,” where you both just know what you’re referring to because it’s been a shared joke for so long.)
Me: You can get me a baby? You don’t want to make one, do you?
Bob: No. But I can get you one.
Me: Oh yeah?
Bob: Sure. I’ll steal one. I can get you a baby. There’s a black market for babies, you know.
Me: Well that’s an idea.
Bob: Yes, and I’ll turn it into a booming business. I will have a baby stealing empire.
Me: You know what you can call your company? I Can Haz Baby.
Both: I can haz baby?!
I told you we’re twisted, people. Here’s our future logo:
For your viewing pleasure (and if you haven’t seen The Big Lebowski, do it now!)
Please comfort me by telling me how the interweb has creepened its way into your real life, too.
No related posts.
Replace The Big Lebowski with Spaceballs and “I can haz” with “Haters gotta hate” and this is me and my husband, exactly.
Everyone I know is having babies lately, too (LUDICROUS SPEED!). I feel so left out and like a bad person when I want to talk about Britney Spears’s hideous weave instead of things like Montessori schools and making your own baby food.
Constance Reader´s last [type] ..Books on TV- Turning Japanese
I love your pillow talk posts. And I think that is a wonderful company idea
LOVE the video btw, hadn’t seen that movie before!
Amy´s last [type] ..Review- I Do Not Come to You by Chance by Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani
Eating the Internet for breakfast! Love that!
Melissa´s last [type] ..Book Review- The Queen of Palmyra- by Minrose Gwin
Love it! I caught myself saying “I LOL’d” the other day and wanted to pound my head on the desk. Also, since I have “kittehs” I made them food bowls at the paint-your-own-pottery store that say “NOMS!!!!!!”
Agreed on the WTF is up with baby fever? I don’t even have a SO to share genes with and I feel like I’m out of the loop on something.
(Whoa, dudes – just noticed that my “most recent post” is 3 weeks old – must finish a metric s-tonne of posts, oy)
MelissaW´s last [type] ..The Falls and a Reading Schedule
OMG, see it now! So much quotable material.
I luvs this blog so glad i stumbed onto your little world
Creeeeeeeepy….
Lenore´s last [type] ..Book Review- Solitary Escape from Furnace Book 2 by Alexander Gordon Smith
We do alot of Cheezburger talk too, the whole family. My son read online where someone went to Jack in the Box drive through and said “I can haz cheezburger” and the voice said “nom nom nom”. Too cute.
We actually do alot of Office references (that’s what she said), or 30Rock references (nerts! I want to go there, etc).
Fun blog, and your twitter feed is fun too!
Amy
amy´s last [type] ..The Polyglot Project-website
I don’t think I haz it as bad as you but I have been known to ROFLMAO.
Possibly Madonna as partner for your new business?
Des @ NovelSuggestions.com´s last [type] ..Survivor by Chuck Palahniuk
Last year, as the teacher-librarian in my school, I was responsible for setting up the internet filters to stop kids from using facebook, youtube, etc. when they weren’t supposed to be. I set up the filter to re-direct them from blocked sites to the entry for pwned on UrbanDictionary.
Also, I have definitely called my little sister a fail whale.
Baby fever!! LOL
You mean it’s not rubbing off on you?
MIchelle´s last [type] ..Maria V Snyder – Inside Out
I’m here to confirm that, contrary to popular opinion, baby fever is NOT contagious.
And you are now my hero! That’s fabulous.
Oh, “That’s what she said” happens a lot around here as well, as do “blerg” and “I want to go to there.” And “it’s business time,” which is an obscure reference to Flight of the Conchords. Someone should do a sociology dissertation on the cultural references that imbue “couple speak.”
As always you make me laugh. I am tickled with the idea of eating the Internet for breakfast. I blog while I am eating breakfast, and sometimes I get my toast between the keys in my keyboard. Does that count?
In another ten years, you should be through the obnoxious baby fever crap. I’ve got two kids of my own, but I still refuse to participate in all of that. You are probably at the worst age…the age where many women’s biological clocks are going off and they are getting all twitchy about it. Kids are great, but they are not for everyone and I applaud you for not bending to the will of the masses.
I really don’t notice the techno-speak interfering with my life. My husband and I have the couple speak thing going on, and it is fun because some of it is in Polish, so most people don’t know what we are saying. LIke a secret code.
Sandy´s last [type] ..Dangerous Neighbors – Beth Kephart
Couple speak…love it. The secret code would be so hard to explain though….out in public “sputnik” means shut up already. ‘Ontario” means you aren’t remembering the story correctly, and ‘ringling’ means let’s go home, these people are circus freaks….
Just a few of the best.
amy´s last [type] ..Rendition- poetry by Manolis
Couple speak is fascinating. I had a professor who once suggested that the more you get to know each other, the more you pull back into your own language – it’s a protective/territorial/unable-to-share-each-other thing. He was a little weird, but there might be something to the idea.
I totally speak web talk. I should say WE do, because half of our couple speak is somehow related to lolspeak. I can’t believe I just confessed that online.
Kerry´s last [type] ..Books As Perfume Quote of the Day
Haha. My husband used to despise LOLz, until one day he finally “got it.”
Now, every time he comes home, he says to the dogs, “O HAI !”