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Apr
25
Pillow Talk Quickie: What *should* have been in the wedding vows…
2010 at 11am Posted by Rebecca Joines Schinsky
I’ve told you before about Bob’s incessant need to be scratched, rubbed, etc. at bedtime. In fact, most of our Pillow Talk discussions begin that way, with him flinging an arm or leg at me, or nudging his head within reach of one of my hands, and asking to be scratched. He usually does this *right* as I’m falling asleep, which leads me to believe he’s just trying to bother me (that man is a KING of botheration), but he swears up and down that, no, of course not, he just wants his scratchings.
So I usually say something about how I’m already half asleep and if I wanted to be bothered, I’d put the hound in the bed with us.
11:15 last night. We’re halfway through The Soup and totally worn out—we’re STILL working on remodeling the bathroom and had spent the evening at the wedding of good friends—and I’m half-giggling at Joel McHale, half spacing out on my way to la la land.
Then the arm appears on my torso.
Bob: I notice that I’m not being scratched, rubbed, or otherwise adored in any way.
Me: Dude, way too late for this.
Bob: No. You like The Soup. I know you’ll stay awake for the rest of it. Scratch me! Loooooove me.
Me: (Halfheartedly rubbing his arm while giving many variations on “No.”)
Bob: See, the problem with you is that you don’t obey. (pause) There. I’ve said it. Now we have to deal with it.
And that, folks, is why “obey” wasn’t in our wedding vows and why Bob desperately wishes it had been. Not because he wants to rule our home with an iron fist (hah!) but because when he wants his arm scratched, DAMMIT WOMAN, HE WANTS HIS ARM SCRATCHED!
Tell me, interweb, do you and your partner drive each other crazy at bedtime, too?
(Since it’s Sunday, I’ll tell you that I did read several books this week, but we’ll have to talk about those later. My presence is requested…nay, demanded….in the bathroom for yet another coat of paint.)
Related posts:
Darlin’ – your arm scratching days are JUST beginning…. wait for it…
Do we drive each other crazy at bedtime? Oh, we drive each other nuts 24/7 … LOL!
Hah! We joked that we should have put “and annoy the hell out of each other” in our wedding vows, too.
My husband likes to sleep in totally darkness with the tv off and if the room is not like that then he tosses and turns, not saying anything, but the tossing is supposed to be his hint to me to turn of the tv or the light that I am using to read by. It drives me nuts! I can sleep with a light on or a tv on so if he is up later than me it is not a problem bc I can sleep, but if I stay up later it becomes a constant problem. I try to ignore the tossing but I think he does it just to drive me crazy!
We are both like bats—we want the room cold and as dark as possible. I actually sleep w/ a mask so it stays dark. TV is only on when we’re both awake; thankfully, Bob can sleep with my reading light on.
Generally I am the one to do the botheration, with the light on reading, while my husband growls that HE has to get up and work in the morning. That is unless I get the “thigh rub”. Usually right in the middle of a good part of my book.
I’m so glad to know that there are other grown-ass men who do this at night, or in the morning while I’m trying to get out of bed and get ready for work!
My first husband was like Meaghan’s – and acted the same way. Fortunately, my second isn’t at all bothered if I read in bed while he’s going to sleep (and vice versa). (He’s a lousy sleeper in general, but it’s nice to know I’m not to blame for it!)
I have not vowed to obey two husbands now, and if there’s ever a third (I hope not!), I plan to keep my streak going
. Unless he also would vow to obey ME, that is…it’s all or nothing.
Now … just to be clear. Bob is your husband and not a dog right?
Hah! Yes, but we joke that he’s part puppy.
If it is that he’s itchy, there are creams.
You know, Chris, I’m not even sure he’s itchy. He just likes to be scratched….but the next time he asks, I’m going to steal this and say, “you know, there’s a cream for that.”
Do it!
Also, it is a two-way street, too. Next time you could scratch him in exchange for, you know, a pedicure. Or help running an errand.
You know, I think there’s a pillow talk spin-off blog somewhere in all of this.
Keep these ideas, coming, Chris!
Like FML?
I confess I am the problem child at bedtime. I stay up with my book light until probably 3:30 most nights. When I actually am sleeping I’m subject to bruxism, night terrors, and twitching legs. Imagine trying to sleep next to someone who thrashes around and shouts “NO!” all the time. Meanwhile poor RS is the kind who falls asleep the moment his head hits the pillow. He doesn’t even snore.
You need to learn to be Mean. My husband doesn’t even think about bothering me when I’m just falling asleep or waking up. If I’m running super-late for work, the most he’ll do is a tiny little nudge, and a whispered, “You’re going to be late. You might want to get up.” Poor thing. I really do make it up to him the rest of the time.
Ben demands a back scratch most nights. He usually waits until I’ve finally settled in to a comfortable position and then he just sits up and turns his back to me and waits. I always give in, but sometimes only halfheartedly.
I love your pillow talks posts, definitely a spin off opportunity! Also, this one makes me so glad that I am back to sleeping alone with only the cats to bother me!
My Huz wants to sleep with the TV on and of course I can’t fall asleep with it on. We’ve tried to find a middle ground and he sets the sleep timer for a half an hour later. So he falls asleep with the TV on and it eventually goes off for me. It’s always something.
I wish I had a witty come back for this one. But mostly, really crude and childish comments are coming to mind so I’ll refrain.
LOL
jordan is notorious for asking for backrubs right before bedtime. he swears up and down that i once promised him i would give him a backrub every day for the rest of eternity. the only response i ever have is, “that doesn’t count! i was trying to get you to like me!” if we ever get married, i’m sure he’ll ask for some sort of backrub clause in the vows.
OMG Is this a male thing? Jim does this crap to me every night. And no matter if I will rub his back five out of seven nights (typically while I’m reading), he will still complain on the other two nights. Seriously? Where is my massage? He’ll also complain if I read late into the night but thinks nothing of doing the same thing to me. After fourteen years, he knows not to bother me if I am falling asleep. Once I reach a certain stage of falling asleep, I become a WITCH! LOL!
I wish back scratching and back rubs had been in the wedding vows, because my husband is totally stingy with both of them.
Totally left that “obey” part out of our wedding vows, too. In fact, on more than one occasion my hubby has had to hold me down at the “anyone objects” point because I just want to point out that the bride doesn’t have to say the obey part before they get to it.
My 18 yo son is the same way about the scratching–he is like a dog wanting his head scratched every night. I’m totally doing it because we get the best talks in while I’m scratching but I’ve had to warn every girlfriend that it will be part of any future wedding vows so they can run now if they want.
[...] week, I also shared a pillow talk post in which my husband laments the fact that I don’t obey, a tribute to my sister and her husband (they got married on Friday), and a wrap-up of my April [...]
Hahaha, I get the same exact thing from my boyfriend, but it’s always a demand for a back scratch. Now I treat him like a child and say I won’t scratch until he says please and thank you.
Oh, god. Dave and I snuggle up and he likes to touch my feet with his toes. It completely oogs me out, but it’s easier to let him do it a couple of times because then it’s over with. If I fight it, it becomes this battle and this joke to see how much he can touch me with his toes. I think it’s a comfort thing for him, because when I talked about NOT letting him do it, he was quite distressed.