Connect
Sponsors
Currently Reading
-
Terms
The Book Lady's Blog is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Reviews and articles posted here are property of The Book Lady's Blog and are not to be posted elsewhere without permission. Please contact me if you wish to post any of my work, or any excerpt thereof, in any other location or format.
Miscellaneous
Meet Bookrageous!
Technical Stuff
Design Credits
Mar
18
Welcome to Paradise! Have a Tampon.
2010 at 7am Posted by Rebecca Joines Schinsky
Dad, if you’re reading this, don’t go any further. Trust me. You don’t want to know.
As promised, this is my post in support of the Great Flow Giveaway I’m running with Elissa Stein. I have been thrilled and overwhelmed by the insights and stories so many of you have shared, and I just have to join the fun.
So, since I’ve already told you the story of my first period, let me tell you about this problem I have. Normally, I have a pretty nice relationship with my period. It’s basically a non-event. Except for this.
My period likes to go on vacation.
No, not vacation as in it disappears for a couple months because of birth control or something (which, by the way, would freak me out because I LOVE the monthly reassurance that I’m not pregnant). Vacation as in I ALWAYS GET IT WHEN I’M GOING ON ONE.
Always.
(Have a happy period? Yeah, right.)
It started the year I turned twelve. It was January, and my family was gearing up for our annual “mid-winter break” with our neighbors and best friends. It was nothing fancy, just a few days at a nice hotel downtown and a chance to get away and hang out together, but it was one of my favorite events of the year. The highlight of this annual “staycation,” as they would call it now, was swimming in the heated indoor-outdoor pool on the hotel’s roof.
Nothing felt quite as glamorous as knowing the rest of my friends were huddled up in their homes, complaining about the wintry cold, while I was lounging poolside with the latest installment of The Babysitters Club….even if I was just ten miles from home.
But the year I turned twelve, I got my first period mere days before mid-winter break. Goodbye, indoor-outdoor swimming pool. Hello, uncomfortable, bulky pad (this was back when it was recommended that girls wait a year before trying tampons) and loneliness.
Fast-forward six years ahead. My family was celebrating my eighteenth birthday and impending high school graduation with a Christmas trip to Maui. We departed Kansas City in the wee hours of my birthday. By the time we landed, I had had “Happy Birthday” sung to me by a flight attendant, been “lei’d” by a very hunky Hawaiian at the airport, and, you guessed it, grudgingly welcomed my Aunt Flo to the party.
To be fair, I had an idea that she might be coming, and I packed accordingly, but COME ON. Did she really have to come on THE FIRST DAY OF A WEEK-LONG VACATION? And I wasn’t even old enough to drown my sorrows with extra daiquiris.
Like most of my periods, the one I had in Maui was uneventful. I was using tampons exclusively by that time, and I still felt glamorous lounging by the pool. (I read The Poisonwood Bible for the first time on that trip, and I will never forget the way Kingsolver made my brain explode right there on the beach…but I digress.) It was maybe the only time in my life I’ve gone to the beach without getting a sunburn (does menstruation have some kind of secret sun protection powers?), and I didn’t think much about the fact that I was having my period.
Until it was time to go snorkeling at Molokini Crater. Then I remembered that I’d heard sharks were attracted to menstrual blood, and I spent the entire afternoon convinced I was about to become the subject of that Jimmy Buffet song. You know, “fins to the left, fins to the right, and she’s the only bait in town?”
Goodbye, worry-free afternoon of fun in the sun. Hello, future as “that girl who got attacked by sharks while snorkeling during her period and is now the subject of a TLC docudrama.”
(Bet I could have gotten a WICKED book deal on that!)
Fast-forward another eight years to January 5, 2008. My wedding day. Having developed a healthy fear of turning into Molly Ringwald’s sister from Sixteen Candles and stumbling my way down the aisle in the throes of period agony, I took the “better living through chemistry” approach and timed my birth control pills to ensure that I wouldn’t be on my period during my wedding. (Don’t say 80s movies never taught you anything, people!)
And my efforts were successful. I looked gorgeous. My hair stayed in place. The cake didn’t fall over. The wedding was perfect. Aunt Flo was nowhere to be seen.
Then my bags got lost somewhere between Kansas City and Antigua, and I missed my pill three days in a row (spare me the lecture about how I should have packed prescriptions in my carry-on—I obviously learned that one the hard way), and then I GOT MY PERIOD ON MY MOTHERFU@!ING HONEYMOON.
For real. The one time in your life that everyone you know is awkwardly hyperaware that you are going away with the love of your life for the express purpose of having lots of sex (and then they feel comfortable joking or asking questions about it…but that’s a whole other post), and I get my period. (Okay, it wasn’t a real period because the periods you have on birth control aren’t real periods. You can learn more about this in Flow, by the way, but still.)
By then, I knew that the thing about sharks and menstrual blood was a myth, so I snorkeled my way through paradise, then I broke all the rules by taking a handful of pills when my bags arrived a day later—you’re technically supposed to start a new pack, but I didn’t exactly plan for this—and praying to everyone I could think of.
AND IT WORKED!
Who’d have thunk I’d come *thisclose* to getting religion on my honeymoon, and all because of a visit from Aunt Flo?
My hormones balanced out, my period went away, and I spent the rest of the trip in a happy haze of sunshine, margaritas and, well, you know. *wink wink*
Goodbye, honeymoon nightmare. Hello, marital bliss.
If you’ve been sitting on the sidelines, there’s still time to enter the Great Flow Giveaway. New comments and posts will be accepted until tomorrow at 11:59pm Eastern.
Copyright secured by Digiprove © 2010 Rebecca Schinsky
No related posts.
LOVE IT! I’m happily on the pill now and can almost time my period down to the minute. Love that reassurance. I’m sorry you didn’t have that luxury growing up!
I can’t imagine getting your period on your honeymoon. I’ve had mine on a few vacations but not generally the kinds that are supposed to involve lots of sex.
I timed my birth control pills so that I would not have my period on my honeymoon because if I’d stayed on schedule I would have. (And I did pack mine on my carryon). I felt like I was messing with nature a little. But aren’t we messing with her anyway by taking the pill in the first place?
Your post also reminded me that I think I forgot to take mine this morning…and possibly yesterday…
So funny! I was supposed to get my period on my honeymoon but I timed my pills so I wouldn’t. Worked like a charm.
I was SO on top of the planning thing that you’d think I would have considered the possibility of my bags getting lost. But oh, the best laid plans…
I just stumbled upon this blog – and the first entry I see has such an attention getting title!
Flow looks like a really fascinating read so I’ll have to pick up a copy. My own first period tale isn’t that interesting – I was 10, I hadn’t had any sort of “talk” yet and I thought I was dying. My mom then decided to let me in on all the horrifying details and sent me off with a box of pads. When I asked her how long I would need to wear them she told me, “Until you go through menopause, probably in your 40′s.” Then two months later she came into my room one night and asked me why I had been going through so many boxes of pads and if everything was ok. I didn’t know I was supposed to wear them when I was only on my period and had been wearing them everyday!
The reason why she hadn’t been so forthcoming with information and kinda left me alone was because her mother had traumatized her with her own first period at 14 – my grandma surprised mom with a cake with bright red icing and a carton of cigarettes (this was the 1960′s) saying “Congratulations! Now you’re an adult” in front of the whole family, my mom was mortified — now that’s a first period story!
OMG you have a new follower. I could not stop laughing, sorry. While I no longer get my period (sadly, I’m still dealing) I can appreciate your adventures with your period.
This is so funny because it happens to me EVERY vacation. Seriously, I don’t think I’ve ever left the house for more than 3 days without getting my period.
I take Depo-Provera now – nice side-effect is that periods are nearly non-existent (a blessing when you’ve spent life dealing with periods heavy enough to disqualify you from giving blood due to anemia).
And, randomly, I’m reading The Poisonwood Bible right now (which does talk about periods, albeit briefly)
I always make sure I’m prepared to get my period during vacations (I keep supplies in my toiletries bag), but l can only think of a couple of times when it’s happened. One of them actually was during my “belated honeymoon,” six months after my second wedding, though.
Getting your period during the honeymoon is probably pretty high on the Bride’s Worst Nightmares list. Mine have become less predictable during the last few years, so I was really worried it would happen just in time for my second wedding, but it cooperated and showed up the week before. (I was pregnant at my first wedding – the period was a non-issue, but other things were.)
Glad to know the shark thing is a myth
.
LOL; I’m so glad that the emergency hormone binge worked! Part of why I love birth control pills is being able to time my period if I need to.
Unfortunately, my body won’t cooperate for more than a month; I’ve tried the ‘four periods a year’ routine, and it just doesn’t work. But it’s nice to have short term flexibility! 
I don’t usually get my period on vacation though-thinking about family vacations when I was younger, I don’t think I ever had that problem. I usually get it the week before!
This is such a great post. I’m inspired. I have to write about my period now. I agree that it always seems to go on vacation with me. I was planning on going to Hawaii, so I counted ahead in my pills to find out if I would be visited for that vacation. Guess what, I would be. I’m starting to think that I should count before I plan the vacation.
Oh, I can so relate. I had my period on my wedding day. I can’t remember the reason now for not trying to shift it, but there was one. Happily, it was right at the end, so by the time we went on our honeymoon a few days later (we had lots of overseas guests so delayed the honeymoon by a few days to catch up with them before they left again) everything was fine. But I will never forget the paranoia. Blood red really doesn’t go with wedding white.
Oh, I can raise my hand on the got my period on my wedding day nightmare. I was already in my dress. After pictures, I went to the bathroom and – you know. Luckily my best friend had tampons and helped me keep my dress out of the way. GWAA! I was so mad. I didn’t know about the way to skip periods back then. Oh well, sometimes you just don’t let things like that get in the way. Besides, I’ve never had heavy periods anyway. I’m lucky. LOL!
I’ve never really been all that bothered in general by my periods. Once my adolescent monthly “opening day” cramps stopped, it’s pretty much been a non-event. Since discovering the joy of Mirena, though, they’ve become a thing of the past. I can’t say that I miss them either.
Thanks for the very appropriate use of my favorite cuss word, too! I love it!
I know this is a bit off topic, but has anyone ever read The Red Tent by Anita Diamant? Really interesting period stuff.
And yes, to the vacation period. I now am on Nuvaring ALL the time, so I tell that bi$&%y Aunt Flo where to go.
Yes–The Red Tent is wonderful. (and there’s really no such thing as off-topic around here!)
I guess this is where we are bearing our souls without fear of judgement! Throughout my life, I’ve had the same problem. My period is intuitive, and comes when it’s least wanted. Yes, on my honeymoon. I had periods that last a week and a half, with at least two or three days of doing tampon/pad double duty. Until my doctor hooked me up with a Marina IUD. I get a period about three times a year now, and those are negligible. It is a beautiful thing.
This is hysterical. My first period, when I was only eleven freaking years old, happened in the middle of a family vacation. A family camping trip, to be precise. To a beachy location. We’re pretty much the same age, so like you, I was on bulky pads for a long time before tampons, and boy was that awesome.
I don’t know whether to laugh or pity you! Though I’m not pitying you *too* much about your honeymoon.
When I had my appendectomy, I was in the week of the pill pack that allows your period to come. I was in the hospital with no tampon, and my period was looming! The nurses were no help, since what they gave me wasn’t a pad, it was more like a towel wadded between my legs. I have never felt sexier.
Luckily, my period was the lightest it’s ever been that week. I think my body knew I was dealing with enough problems and that I didn’t need a period on top of everything else right then. Too bad my body doesn’t do that every month!
I love this post! Just reading the warning to your dad had me laughing. I can’t take most birth control because of migraines (I’m more at risk for having a stroke), but I understand having your period come when you don’t want it to. Please tell me you really weren’t going to let your period stop you on your honeymoon!
This happens to me too … not as dramatically but it does tend to come during vacation .We are going to CA in a few weeks and I’m playing a waiting game right now.
My period switched weeks on me, probably from the stress and came the DAY AFTER my wedding! Whole wedding I just want to get it over cause I am so bloated with water weight and want out of my heels. Did not get to enjoy the day or the honeymoon. I dread wedding pictures or video as my dress was tight. And we only had one night of ‘fun’, good thing it was a 4 day trip and not a big expensive one. So we had another honeymoon 6 months later, at Disney…1 week of which was my period again!
My poor hubby.
I never did the pill. I have estrogen dominance probs and just after our 1yr anniversary I ended up having surgery for a fast growing uterine fibroid the size of a cantaloupe, I am only 5’2. So now I don’t have periods anymore and I am soooooo relieved. So is he as the fibroid made my periods very hard to schedule and sometimes came ‘in the act’. Freaked him out.
That’s the only thing I miss about the pill…the ability to prevent a period if you need to.
It has been so many years since I’ve had to worry about the pill or any other kind of birth control (after 3 kids my hubby finally sucked it up and had a vasectomy). I’m sure learning a lot about the wonders for birth control these days. Now I’m just counting down, hoping for menopause soon!
Not so much vacations, but my period does love special days! You know what I mean, the day that you’re going to an amusement park, or the day you plan to be out on a boat and nowhere near land. Whenever that happens to me, I always think how unfair it is that men don’t have to worry about carrying around “supplies”, and making sure that they’re going to be near a bathroom every few hours!
I just have to say that I am loving this thread.
[...] Welcome to Paradise. Have a Tampon. at the Book Lady’s Blog is a hilarious post about periods. please proceed with a sense of humor. [...]
I always wondered about getting your period on your honeymoon. Sorry it happened to you (but glad you were able to go against the flow, so to speak)! I wonder if people sometimes plan their weddings when they no they won’t be on (might aren’t predictable, so no such luck).
I totally feel your pain. I also got my first the day before leaving for vacation. A family vacation that included a 16 hr drive through the mountains in the middle of the summer to hang out at my grandparents pool for a week. Not. Cool.
And, I also got my period on my honeymoon. I thought I had planned so that it would arrive just after we got home, but alas it came a few days early. I blame jet lag and time differences. I don’t even care if that doesn’t make any sense.
I’m loving reading through all the comments
My period is pretty fond of vacations, too…it’s pretty much a world traveler.
Gosh, I’m not sure if this is appropriate given that you post was inspired by a book about Flow, but seriously, you can do that thing with the pill EVERY month. I haven’t had a period in like 7 years, and it’s freakin’ awesome! You don’t have to switch pills (well, most of the time. I’m sure there are some where this doesn’t work as great) and you don’t even have to do the 4-times a year thing. The trick is to get your doc to write the px for “consinuous use.” Then when you get to the week of pink pills, just toss the pack and start a new one. Man, I feel like a spammer talking about prescription! But this basically saved my life when I had fibroids.
Oh, I know you can do it. I tried Seasonale for a year when it first came on the market (designed to give you only 4 periods a year), but my body didn’t like it, and I missed the monthly reassurance that everything was in order (and I wasn’t pregnant). Whatever works for you!