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Dec
27
Pssst!
2009 at 11pm Posted by Rebecca Joines Schinsky
Hey! I have less than 12 hours to go with this good old-fashioned family Christmas, so I’m popping in for an on-the-fly posting session. And guess what?
- I haven’t dropped the F-bomb in front of my mother-in-law yet! (scroll down to the previous post if you’re not sure why this is a big deal)
- My 3-year-old nephew, however, is not observing this rule and marched through the room a couple days ago chanting “Fucking shit, fucking shit” like it was nobody’s business.
- I told my brother-in-law that my husband can be “a pain in the ass sometimes” in front of my mother-in-law, who promptly told me I shouldn’t speak that way of my loving husband (right, because her son is perfect?). And then I almost dropped the F-bomb. Because anyone who’s ever been married (or in any long-term relationship that made it out of the ooey gooey honeymoon phase) will tell you that a good third of your time is spent either annoying the piss out of your partner or having it annoyed out of you. And my father-in-law is no exception.
- The Goods starring Jeremy Piven is not, in fact, good. But Mr. Piven is hot, and I want to do dirty bad things to him, so I forgive my brother-in-law for choosing it for family movie night, even though there was a joke in the movie about a man getting a rash between his balls and his thigh, which prompted my sister-in-law to engage in some extreme oversharing.
- When your tech savvy 11-year-old nephew and his 8-year-old sister run in the door Christmas morning telling you they got an iPod Touch to share, RUN THE OTHER WAY. It’s about to get ugly. And it will stay ugly. And then the only thing you’ll hear is “hey, we could do that on the iPod Touch.”
- It’s no longer cool to say “cool.” Everything is either “sick” or “beast” (at least if you are the aforementioned 11-year-old nephew). Beast. As in “I just went down this sick hill on the sled and it was so beast.” Whodathunk?
- Do not, under any circumstances, comment on how well the children are behaving. Nothing good can come from it.
- A few minutes alone with a Bill Bryson book can make just about anything better.
- No matter how much I love my husband or enjoy family visits, there’s nothing like the glow of knowing I’m just hours away from running toward my plane and suppressing the urge to let out my very best William Wallace-esque “FREEEEEEEDOOOOOOM!”
Do it with me. It feels good to let it out, right?
Now I’m off to endure enjoy a few more hours of overstimulating togetherness and one last night in an inflatable bed (I tell you, hubby and I always get the shaft on the sleeping arrangements) before flying back to Richmond to pick up the hound and return to the quiet, snuggly, peaceful goodness of home. I can’t wait.
It’s going to be totally beast.
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Oh my gosh – and I was complaining about the three hours spent with my self-pitying passive-aggressive aunt – I will never complain again! I’m glad you get to go home soon. Your post made me laugh out loud – at least you got blogging fodder out of your ordeal!
Too funny. I guess they don’t follow your blog?
Wow you are awesome for dealing with all that f***ing crap and the terrible bed! Family togetherness drove me to m*****f***ing drink. I love pj but don’t always “connect” with his fam (they think I’m weird) so coming home and unwinding was totally beast. Yay Millie! Give her a kiss from me.
Beast? Really? I still say awesome. I feel so old.
Well, we are done with the annual Christmas Eve gathering at my in-laws after a 46-year-old uncle got into it with my 11-year-old son over the last root beer. Yeah. Punches were thrown! Can you say ridiculous? We keep wanting to buy root beer and leave it on his doorstep.
Sounds like an interesting gathering. I agree, The Good was terrible. i kind of felt robbed of my time. When it ended I thought, i should have just read a book instead!
Okay, that is officially the most appalling family holiday story I’ve heard in a while. Good grief!
Most of it has been okay, and some of it has been great, but the noteworthy parts are always somehow the more painful ones, aren’t they?
LOL.. I rather enjoyed that post
Thanks!
Ah, I’m with you on the 1/3 of the time spent with one person pushing the other’s buttons… though that may be a low number.
Great self control on the F-bomb thing. Anytime one can make it through a nutball convention (also known as family reunions and holiday dinners) without devolving linguistically deserves a toast.
Sick is something the younglings around here say, too, but I’ve not heard “beast” used… maybe it’s local.
Now I know what’s wrong with my life: I’ve never heard of Bill Bryson (whose books are an apparent panacea), nor have I heard of Jeremy Piven, who evidently makes one feel, erm, good.
Glad you survived the holidays!
Glad it’s almost over for you – we’re heading to see my in-laws today. Think of me.
Hysterical! Thanks for making me laugh on a Monday morning back at, ugh, work!
LOL LOL LOL…your ost brightened my mood, and made me think “How lucky I feel not to be you right now:)
good luck in those last few hours. i’m pretty sure i’m now going to start using “beast” on a regular basis.
Oh man, I can relate. This post makes me feel more sane.
[...] Pssst! [...]
I would have thought that after the 3yo, you could have said just about anything and no one would have noticed!
This was too funny!
As you already know Beast is now going to make it’s way into my vocabulary for the purposes of exclaiming joy, affirmation and all around coolness. Hey, I can be hip and with it!
Glad you made it through the family holiday relatively unscathed.