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Nov
04
Book Review: Laid edited by Shannon T. Boodram
2009 at 8am Posted by Rebecca Joines Schinsky
Published October 2009 by Seal Press
Canadian sex educator Shannon T. Boodram thought it was about time that someone let young people speak for themselves and tell the truth about their sexual experiences. In Laid: Young People’s Experiences with Sex in an Easy-Access Culture, she presents a collection of essays, poems, stories, and personal writings about sex by young adults, for young adults. Acknowledging that “there is no one-size-fits-all format,” Boodram introduces Laid by speaking directly to her readers—a practice she repeats throughout the text—and letting them know that her goal is “to arm you with the information, hindsight, and confident to pursue an amazing sex life.”
Now that’s a goal I can get on board with!
Boodram presents Laid in five sections designed to represent common young adult experiences with sexuality: “Hookups That Fell Down” (that one’s self-explanatory), “And Then I Saw Stars” (stories of positive sexual experiences), “Haven’t Been Quite Right Since That Night” (physical and emotional consequences of sexual behavior), “When No! Loses All Meaning” (rape), and “Save Your Cherry…Or Banana (about young adults who practice abstinence). Each chapter ends with a Q & A section, with answers provided by the contributors, and a “checkpoint” that serves as a mini-quiz and supports the book’s goal of providing sex-positive education for young people.
If you’ve been reading The Book Lady’s Blog for a while, you’ve probably seen me mention my previous life as a clinical psychology graduate student and sex researcher. I believe in talking about sex and educating young people. I believe in empowering people with information and supporting individuals’ right to make their own decisions about what constitutes appropriate sexual behavior. I believe that the best sex education is the kind that does not imply any value judgments but instead encourages people to combine their personal values with medically accurate information and go from there.
This book has many strengths, but I also saw several weaknesses. I’ve read a lot of books like this, so while I wouldn’t claim to be an expert, I certainly have high expectations and a good idea of what it takes to create solid sex ed materials for teens.
The title of the first section, “Hookups That Fell Down,” kind of says it all. As implied in the title, the pieces are wholly negative and support Boodram’s opening statement that “hooking up is nothing more than settling; it is the microwavable burrito of sex.” Now, I happen to agree with that idea, but those are my personal values, and I don’t think values really belong in what is supposed to be an educational book. Surely, there are some young people who enjoy hooking up occasionally and have had positive experiences with it, and I would have liked to see this section include some pieces by those young people. (Of course, it’s possible that all of the submitters who wrote about hook-ups wrote about negative ones, but still.)
It also irked me that so few of the pieces in this section (and in the book in general) were written by men, and the ones that were written by men all focused on the male writer lamenting his role in contributing to the tarnishing of a woman’s “purity.” One of them actually writes about his regret “for meddling with her wholesome purity,” and that was just too much for me, as was one writer’s meditation on the idea that she would someday be giving her husband “all of my heart but a used body.” I know that many people buy into these ideas, but I find them contradictory to the book’s stated goal of being sex-positive.
I do, however, love that Boodram included pieces in which young people discuss the consequences of their hook-ups because really, teenagers have a hard time thinking about consequences, especially in the heat of the moment, and these stories provide excellent “been there, done that” examples.
The section on positive sexual experiences, entitled “And Then I Saw Stars,” really took me back to the days of raging hormones and throbbing, well, you know. These essays and poems show young people discovering that sex can be a great and wonderful thing, and they delicately explore issues of sexual identity, coming out, and the confusion between love and lust, and those are all great strengths. But there are a few weaknesses….namely, the fact that many of the pieces read like amateur romance novels and actually include the word “johnson” as a euphemism for penis. For real?
Boodram also inserts her personal values into the introduction of this section by reminding readers that “positive sexual experiences are created only through mutual admiration,” and again, I generally agree with the statement (and it’s certainly an author’s prerogative to include something like that), but why the always? Additionally, a few of the pieces in this section seemed like they would have fit more appropriately into the chapter on hookups (like the piece where a guy meets a hot girl on a cruise ship and they get it on), and doesn’t that contradict the previously-stated idea that hookups are generally not positive experiences?
The strengths of this second chapter outweighed the weaknesses for me, but I would have liked to see more editing and less editorializing.
The third chapter, “Haven’t Been Quite Right Since That Night,” which explores the physical and emotional consequences of sex (all of which, in these pieces, happen to be negative) is incredibly candid and actually quite terrifying, though I don’t think that was Boodram’s intent. It covers all the bases—unplanned pregnancy, abortion, STIs—but has very few submissions from men, which just seems to (unintentionally) capitulate to the idea that women are somehow entirely responsible for safe sex practices. However, it also has a very useful glossary of common STIs and sexual illnesses and a reminder (in the form of a girl who gets pregnant her very first time) that YOU HAVE TO USE A CONDOM EVERY TIME!
The chapter on rape, entitled “When No! Loses All Meaning,” is frighteningly realistic, and the writers who submitted pieces demonstrate great strength in telling their stories. The selections in this chapter are very affecting, and they succeed in avoding the all-too-common tendency to blame the victim. This chapter is a must-read for anyone who has experience rape or sexual abuse and anyone who works with survivors. It concludes with a fantastic piece by a young woman who chose to fight back against her attacker, stating “He looked angry but so was I. It was at that time I decided it was either him or me,” and though it was difficult to read, this chapter was very worthwhile.
The final section of the book, given the obnoxiously adolescent title “Save Your Cherry…Or Banana,” presents young people’s discussions of their reasons for practicing abstinence. If you’ve read this review, then you know I’m not a fan of the abstinence-only movement, but I’m happy to say that this chapter did not bother me nearly as much as I expected it to. One young writer muses that “sex gets its value from true love, not the opposite,” and another wins the award for best line with “It’s not my responsibility to make sure that a guy’s penis has a great day.” Sure, some of these pieces are a bit saccharine and sentimental, and I wished that Boodram had opened the book with this chapter and then included a chapter with young people discussing why they chose not to abstain, but overall, it wasn’t bad.
So, the bottom line on Laid? The pieces are candid and realistic, but the book feels unbalanced and skewed toward negative stories. Despite the weaknesses, Laid will be a solid resource for young people who want to hear about their peers’ experiences, and it is an excellent conversation starter, but it should not be used as a primary source of sex education material or viewed as a representative sample. Teen readers will probably relate to the writers’ voices and the nature of their stories better than I did, though I do think the pieces should have been edited more closely. Overall, this one is a 3.5 out of 5.
[...] Book Review: Laid edited by Shannon T. Boodram [...]
I am starting to pay more attention to these types of books as my son is starting to ask all sorts of lively questions about his body and it’s obvious to me that at the age of only 11, his hormones are already out of control.
I’ve seen a few sex ed type books for young girls but not really young boys. I’ve been talking to him and so has his Dad but I can tell he’d rather just read something.
I’m so not looking forward to my girl’s teen years.
First of all I must say that I loved this review and truly feel you understood the book well. Your points are extremely valid BUT there are some things I care to rebut:
The first chapter is called Hookups that Fell Down – so it naturally is only going to be negative. Why? I received an incredible amount of stories on this with the EXACT same outcome and in my generation, the pressure to hookup is ridiculous. So because of the overwhelming number of stories I felt the emotional damage that came with hooking up deserved it’s own chapter. I DO think hooking up can work but from my observation and experience successful hookups are the minority. Please notice the last question in the Q & A is about the bright side of hooking up, then the first story in the next chapter is about a great hookup! I did this on purpose, to try and keep the balance.
As I mentioned, Chapter 1 was only focusing on hookups the fell down. For this reason I felt stories on positive hookups belonged with the other positive stories. Good sex is good sex! And I stand by this:
“Positive sexual experiences are created only through mutual admiration.” It’s rare that both people are going to have great sex when you don’t give a damn about the other person’s needs (be that physically or emotionally). But some DO get lucky!
In Chapter 3 I have a problem when people say this:
all of these pieces, happen to be negative.
No they’re not! Sometimes the writer had a great sexual experience BUT it just had an undesired outcome. Like in “Sex With You” and “It Rarely is Nothing” both of those writers loved the sex BUT they did not like the repercussions of their irresponsibility when it came to protection. That doesn’t mean the whole story is negative. And what about “Little Head” the story of a proud teenage father! Or “Second Chance” showing that you don’t have to be punished for eternity for having an abortion. Or “Never Say Never” which teaches that if you’re going to have unprotected sex and you catch something you have to be responsible and fess up to your partners – it’s not the end of the world!
YES having an unplanned consequence from sex is negative but to me that doesn’t mean these stories are. They all have positive elements in them and they are certainly not meant to scare, they are meant to say, plan ahead of the moment.
In concerns to chapter 5, I genuinely laughed out loud at “obnoxiously adolescent.” I didn’t want to open the book with this chapter because it would automatically turn youth off, especially anyone who is sexually active. I’m glad you appreciated it though.
Thank you for all of this. I have actually been reading Jessica Valenti’s “The Purity Myth” and it has opened my eyes to so much! Namely these great points you brought up:
It also irked me that so few of the pieces in this section (and in the book in general) were written by men, and the ones that were written by men all focused on the male writer lamenting his role in contributing to the tarnishing of a woman’s “purity.” One of them actually writes about his regret “for meddling with her wholesome purity,” and that was just too much for me, as was one writer’s meditation on the idea that she would someday be giving her husband “all of my heart but a used body.”
I agree it is irritating.
LAID is not the be all and end all of sexual education. I stress that several times in the book, namely at the end where I list other resources for youth to continue their education with. It’s a conversation starter, if you need proof just check out this novel I wrote here!
Thank-you for this open forum. I absolutely love it!
Thanks so much for dropping by and sharing your perspective, Shannon. This kind of thoughtful, measured response to a review is a blogger’s dream, and I genuinely appreciate the points you’ve raised. You’re welcome here anytime!
I think IT’S PERFECTLY NORMAL by Robie Harris is the best comprehensive sex ed book on the market today. And it’s been banned, so you know it’s good! I did a review here last year during Banned Books Week (find it on my book reviews tab), but think it’s great for acknowledging everything adolescents experience, normalizing it, and reassuring them that they’re not abnormal or anything. For an 11 year old, you could dispense it a chapter at a time for discussion as appropriate.
This is a great space and you have a wonderful following, I’m honored you picked up the book and gave it a chance.
[...] 3. http://thebookladysblog.com/2009/11/04/book-review-laid-edited-by-shannon-t-boodram/ [...]
[...] course, on the flipside, here’s a more negative review from The Book Lady’s Blog. This paragraph especially freaks me out: It also irked me that so few of the pieces in this [...]