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Jun
23
Book Review: Happens Every Day by Isabel Gillies
2009 at 10am Posted by Rebecca Joines Schinsky
Recently published March 2009 by Scribner (a division of Simon & Schuster)
I had always thought that if something as dramatic as your marriage ending was about to happen, you would have some sense of it. There would be a tone change or a subtle undercurrent that you might feel—certainly that I would feel. But I missed any signs of trouble.
Isabel Gillies, whom you might recognize from her role on Law and Order: SVU, thought life was pretty perfect. Her poetry scholar husband Josiah (not his real name) had landed a coveted position at a small liberal arts university in a great town. She had two beautiful, healthy sons, a budding career as a theater teacher, a gorgeous house, a group of smart, interesting friends, and a solid marriage to a man she adored.
Sure, Isabel knew Josiah had cheated on his first wife—had “left her when she was pregnant to fool around” with another woman—but he was young, and the marriage was a mistake. She worked hard to believe that the old adage about “once a cheater, always a cheater” did not apply to him. So when she had a “gut instinct” that something was going on between Josiah and his colleague Sylvia, she tried to convince herself that it simply couldn’t be.
But it was.
Josiah grew distant and quiet, started spending more time at the office, and one day, seemingly out of nowhere, told Isabel that he couldn’t do it anymore. When Isabel shares her disbelief that this could really be happening to her, that Josiah could actually be capable of leaving her and their sons, a friend responds that it “happens every day.”
Taking its title from that exchange, Happens Every Day: An All-Too-True Story is Isabel’s memoir of the decline and fall of her marriage. It chronicles her initial shock and confusion and her refusal to accept that her marriage to a man she loves, with whom she has two wonderful children, is really ending. It shows her desperately begging the other woman to stay away from her family, to give them a fighting chance, and then becoming paranoid and attempting to spy on her husband and gather evidence—evidence she needs to believe isn’t there—of his betrayal.
Happens Every Day reveals the sadness, pain, and extreme disappointment Isabel experiences as she struggles to go on with daily life while her world crumbles around her. It lays bare the loneliness and devastation of being suddenly and completely abandoned by the person she is closest to, and it records the process—a series of profound moments, really—through which she comes to understand exactly what it means that her marriage is over.
He wasn’t going to be there if a terrible illness befell me. What about in sickness and in health? Wasn’t it a guarantee that if you got married you got the leg pats in the life-ending moments? No, it wasn’t.
Happens Every Day is emotionally affecting and virtually impossible to put down. It shines a light on an experience that more than half of us will encounter but few will discuss so candidly. It is maddening at times—particularly when Isabel illustrates the ways in which Josiah manipulated her and attempted to make her feel she was somehow in the wrong when she accused him of doing exactly what he was doing—and touching at others, and it hit me right where I live. If someone else’s seemingly perfect marriage can end so suddenly, should I be worried about mine?
Ultimately, Happens Every Day is about strength and resilience and getting through the hard times. Gillies acknowledges that all people and all relationships have their fair share of trouble, and she emphasizes that “the way to distinguish yourself is how you deal with the shit that inevitably will hit your fan.” Her book proves that you can allow yourself to fall apart, to feel pain and anger and sadness and betrayal, and still respond with dignity and fairness. It is a cautionary tale, a deeply personal revelation, and a beautifully told story about a very ugly time in her life. 4.5 out of 5.
In a recent Weekly Geeks post, I asked you to help me catch up on reviews by asking questions about my current reads. Louise brought up something I wanted to address in my review anyway. She said: Happens Every Day has an intriguing cover and it also sounds like the perfect, easy beach read from reading the blurp. Do you agree, or is it a heavier read, one should read anywhere else but the beach?
I have to say that I am really confused by the decision to portray this book as a summery beach read. It is in no way light or fluffy, and it is only uplifting at the very end. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to spend my time on the beach reading about someone else’s horribly painful experience and imagining how it might someday happen to me. Happens Every Day is smart. It is well-written. It’s a pageturner. But it will make you think about things you really don’t want to think about on vacation.
Read this book. But take something else to the beach.
Visit Isabel Gillies’s website to learn more about her and Happens Every Day and to find information about appearances, readings, and more.
Definitely sounds like a moving and powerful read! You’re right — I wouldn’t want to spend my time at the beach paging through the dissolution of someone’s marriage.
I hope Gillies has gone on to find much happiness!
As an aside, I did wind up with a depressing book at the beach this year: Hyatt Bass’s The Embers! (But mostly because I really wanted to get the book read, and I couldn’t imagine when else I would force myself to sit down and finish it!) I brought along lighter fare, too, but there never seems to be enough time to read everything I want to read. Even on vacation!
[...] Book Review: Happens Every Day by Isabel Gillies [...]
Sounds perfect if you have someone going through this.
You’ve sold it to me…this is going on my list!
After commenting on someone else’s review that I was waiting for this to come out in paperback to read it, she offered me her slightly used review copy. I don’t know how soon I’ll get to it, and I have a feeling some parts will be tough for me (a little bit close to home, unfortunately), but everything I hear about it makes me sure I DO want to read it.
Wow, it sounds like that book really contains an important message.
Hey Book Lady,
I really enjoy your reviews. They’re meatty, the right length, AND WHEN I FINISH I HAVE A GOOD IDEA IF I WANT TO READ THE BOOK. That’s what reviews are for. I hope you’ll be reviewing one of mine some day!
Sandy aka DLH
Visit me at http://www.sandysays1.wordpress.com
Wow! That’s quite a compliment, Sandy. Thanks!
Thank you thank you thank you so much for this review. I am currently going through a separation – it is fresh and raw and surprising but really I shouldn’t be surprised….To help myself I have thought of writing what is happening and calling it “Anatomy of a Separation”…just so I could deal with it. Learning that someone has already done this is a very good feeling – I feel as though I am not alone (which of course I’m not). Although it happens every day, until it happens to you, it doesn’t really happen, does it?? I hope the book is out in Australia. Thank you, I am so looking forward to reading this.
I have just found the book at my local library. Also, I wanted to add that your reviews are exactly how I like to read reviews – honest and thoughtful and considered – thank you.
Sounds like a truly good memoir, I am totally intrigued to read it after your excellent review!!
My book club is reading this in the fall–now I’m really anxious for us to get to it!
[...] Book Review: Happens Every Day by Isabel Gillies [...]
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Seriously, I just read this book in one day. I couldn’t put it down. Gillies descriptions of her ‘perfect’ life beginning to deconstruct compelled me to keep reading. Highly recommend this one!
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