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May
28
Losing my [book club] virginity…
2009 at 3pm Posted by Rebecca Joines Schinsky
Tonight’s the big night, and since Judy Blume didn’t write a novel about this kind of “first time,” I need some advice from you more experienced book club members.
How being in a book group has eluded me my entire adult life is beyond me. I’ve always had close girlfriends who love to read and with whom I’ve shared many great books and bookish conversations, and lord knows I do A LOT of standing around talking about books at work, but I’ve never made it official. When I moved to Richmond a few years ago, I ended up far away from those close girlfriends, and in the time I’ve been here, I’ve been fortunate to have met several smart, interesting, funny, and well-read women who share my bilbiophilia.
Tonight, I’ll have seven or eight of them (plus a few friends-of-friends I haven’t met yet) all in one place, and I know it’s going to be awesome.
Plus, we’re discussing The Help and having pie as our tie-in snack (perfect, right?), so it can’t be anything but wonderful.
But I’ve heard so many stories of book clubs gone bad—and a few of my group’s members are seceding from a different club—that I just have to ask for suggestions. What advice would you give to a book club newbie? How was your first time, and what would you differently?
What works really well that you wish you’d known sooner? What do you wish you hadn’t done?
How do you select your books? Which ones should we definitely not miss, and which should we skip? Are there books that were great when you read them alone but then fell flat during a group conversation? I want to know it all.
Am I missing anything? Do I look okay? Are you sure the answer to this isn’t hidden somewhere in Forever?
No related posts.
Here is a link to the New York Times Article on Book Clubs Gone Bad (and why they do): http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/07/fashion/07clubs.html?_r=1&scp=1&sq=book%20clubs%20gone%20bad&st=cse
(If that link doesn’t work the title of the article is “Fought Over Any Good Books Lately?” and date is 12/5/08.
Good luck! The pie ought to cover a lot of sins, as I see it!
My mom was part of the Martini Book Club. Yeah, she admitted it was quite the excuse. My sister belongs to a church-based club, and she is mighty tired of the downer endings. Curious to hear how yours goes. Get the recipe if it’s a good pie.
The only F2F book club I’ve ever been in/still participate in is one composed of other booksellers at my store. We’re all friends, and generally recc each other books, so it was kind of a natural outgrowth of work (we even have two long-distance participants since two of the girls moved away but still log their comments online).
What we do it put all our names into a hat and draw out an order – one per month – and the person for that month chooses the book we read. We try to pick things that are available in paperback (sometimes in hardcover, but not that often). We’re a bit different in that we rarely pick titles in heavy bookclub rotation (no Sue Monk Kidd or Khaled Hosseini, etc.). We’ve read Enright’s “The Gathering”, Niffenegger’s “The Time-Traveler’s Wife”, “Catch Me if You Can” (the one the movie is based off of and then we watched the movie), Stephen Fry’s “The Liar” (upcoming in June), Hugh Laurie’s “The Gunseller”, etc; the title really reflects the taste of the person who chose it so it gets really eclectic. Our July book is mine and I chose Winterson’s “Oranges are Not the Only Fruit”.
We usually gather at someone’s house (usually mine or Kat’s since we have the biggest living rooms) and have food and booze. If the conversation about the book fizzles we revert to one of two topics: either whatever we watched on TV/movies or complain about how terrible some of the other booksellers actually are. And we have a pretty good time.
I think alot of it depends on whether people are going to be irritated if there isn’t a ton of book conversation. We kind of don’t care.
I forgot to add that I’m the moderator for the Literature by Women group at Barnes and Noble Book Clubs (aka the BNBC).
For that one I conduct nomination/voting periods about three times per year; I ask for users to send me nominations, I cull from that list to make a shortlist (since I “have” to read everything if there’s something I don’t think belongs under the definition of literature – snob alert – it goes along with books that can’t be readily purchased anywhere), and then the users vote for up to four titles. I sometimes go with five selections if there’s a major tie between titles and I don’t want to break it.
Generally we do OK. I have an off-topic thread set up, and there’s a whole community room board, so people don’t quite go off the rails in the actual book discussion threads. Some books are just more popular than others
We put everyone’s name into a hat, and pull out someone. That person picks the book, and hosts the get together. You are allowed to pick any book in any genre, and if someone else has already read it – they must be okay with it being used for Book Club.
Also, the 8 or so of us are all friends, so we’re all forbidden to discuss the book until Book Club.
Our last book was SO bad, and we all knew it was, that we decided to hold it at a bar since there was nothing deep/meaningful about it.
Good luck! I have been in two F2F book groups but so far neither have worked out so I am very jealous of you! The first I was in they had already chosen them for the year when I joined and the second we decided at each meeting what the next few books would be.
I’m dying to know what that oh-so-awful book was, Kevin. Do tell.
I’m dying to know what that oh-so-awful book was, Kevin. Do tell.
I’m dying to know what that oh-so-awful book was, Kevin. Do tell.
I have been with my group for almost 12 years. All this time we’ve been great. We get together once a year and select books for the next year. We pitch 2-3 titles and then vote. Simple as that.
However, we also averaged about 6-8 core members and 2-3 floaters so never more than 15. For the past 6 months though, we are averaging 20 or so members and it’s completely ruined it (in my opinion).
We used to get to know one another in addition to talking about the book and now it’s ALL about the book and the new members are troublesome. They argue. They don’t speak in turns. One crazy lady continues to mutter racial slurs yet because we meet in a public space (the library) no one can do anything about it.
I was just about to call it quits when 4 other members emailed me and voiced their concerns as well. So now the core group is going to meet to discuss the issue. I think we just got too large.
As a newbie, I would suggest guidelines upfront. I don’t like a group to be rule crazy but a group needs guildlines. Other than that, just have fun with it because first and foremost, it should be fun!
The way our book group wound up working out is that at the end of each meeting, someone would be selected to pick the next book. Then that person would email out three selections to the group, and everyone would vote for their choice. The winning book would be read for the next meeting. Lather, rinse, repeat.
I think the way of selecting the book was one of the best things about our bookclub, because that way the person selecting the book doesn’t have to bear the complete burden of responsibility if the book is a dud. That being said, our group started laying down some annoying rules, like not picking books that were longer than 350 pages, which was frustrating and silly. Also, we never strictly claimed to be a literary fiction book club, so sometimes people would pick non-fic, plays, poetry, or memoirs, and I think those are trickier to appeal to a large group.
I haven’t been to the last few meetings because the books really haven’t been appealing to me. We generally spend about 50% of the time discussing the book and the other 50% of the time gossiping about other stuff. The person who picks the book is also responsible for picking the restaurant we eat at for the meeting (sometimes dinner, sometimes brunch).
Food and booze definitely help. My book club is a wine and book club and we do wine first (well, I haven’t for the past 9 months, but everyone else does), so then everyone’s REALLY ready to share their thoughts about the book.
Pie is the perfect tie-in food, but I’m hoping it isn’t a ‘special’ pie!
I hope your first time is all that you dreamed it would be.
All of my book club experiences have been virtual, so I’m somewhat of a book club virgin myself. I’m looking forward to living vicariously through your experiences. Have fun!
I wish I could help you but I’m not part of a book club…but yes, you do look nice!
I think the most important factor in a book club’s success is making sure everyone has similar expectations.
In both of my clubs, a meeting is a success if we have an hour of talk about the book and an hour of chat. Sometimes the book is really compelling, and we go longer talking about it, sometimes there isn’t much to say about a book and we just talk about other things. Both of these are OK some of the time. Your group may vary.
I’d suggest starting out with books that have Reading Group Guides, to help you prompt your discussions. Occasionally we find making fun of the questions more entertaining, but usually they are helpful.
I’d suggest having someone be a tyrant and pick the books for the first few months while you get started. If you have a community reading program going on, tie in with that. My one failed attempt at a reading group bogged down in that process before we could get established.
In my blog, I describe the process my clubs use to pick books: http://imbookingit.wordpress.com/2009/04/15/time-to-pick-books/ . This isn’t for everyone, but I like it because it gives us a chance at some sort of consensus, while still delivering a variety of types of books.
Good luck!
I’m not in a book group but thought about joining one recently. I enjoyed this post and all the feedback. I envy you discussing THE HELP! what a perfect read, and lots of conversation is sure to be generated too. havr fun
I’ve been in many book clubs over the years (we move out of state and I have to find a new one–or two) and there are as many ways to be successful as there are to fail, I think. Most importantly, I think you have to find a like-minded group of people. I don’t mean that everyone will like exactly the same thing but that everyone is sort of on the same page about what sorts of books you’ll read, how you’ll choose, how much book versus non-book chatter you want, etc. If people agree roughly on that stuff and you can find a convenient time for the majority to meet, you should be good.
Thanks for the advice and links….a member of our group tonight had, unbeknownst to us, printed out discussion questions from the author’s website, and at the end of the meeting, she mentioned that we had actually covered almost all of the topics on our own. I think we’re lucky in the mix of people in this group. It went very well. As for appointing a tyrant, I think that will be me and Mrs. E the English teacher. We’re doing The Gargoyle next month. Should be fun.
Thanks for the advice and links….a member of our group tonight had, unbeknownst to us, printed out discussion questions from the author’s website, and at the end of the meeting, she mentioned that we had actually covered almost all of the topics on our own. I think we’re lucky in the mix of people in this group. It went very well. As for appointing a tyrant, I think that will be me and Mrs. E the English teacher. We’re doing The Gargoyle next month. Should be fun.
Thanks for the advice and links….a member of our group tonight had, unbeknownst to us, printed out discussion questions from the author’s website, and at the end of the meeting, she mentioned that we had actually covered almost all of the topics on our own. I think we’re lucky in the mix of people in this group. It went very well. As for appointing a tyrant, I think that will be me and Mrs. E the English teacher. We’re doing The Gargoyle next month. Should be fun.
Nope, no “special” pie, and there was plenty of wine! Emy actually decided to make a caramel cake instead of pie, since all the women in the book raved about how much work they were and how delicious….turns out they were right on both counts!
Nope, no “special” pie, and there was plenty of wine! Emy actually decided to make a caramel cake instead of pie, since all the women in the book raved about how much work they were and how delicious….turns out they were right on both counts!
Nope, no “special” pie, and there was plenty of wine! Emy actually decided to make a caramel cake instead of pie, since all the women in the book raved about how much work they were and how delicious….turns out they were right on both counts!
I have never been in a book club before, either! It’s wonderful reading all the comments and hearing about everyone’s experiences.
I have painfully little to contribute to this conversation, haha. The book club I tried to start at my Borders was a complete disaster! In that four people showed up — my mom and three friends — and none of them actually read the book we were supposed to be discussing, The Friday Night Knitting Club! They were just there for moral support!
Hope everything went very well last night and you have lots of great stories to share!
I just went to my first book club meeting a couple weeks ago! It’s a group that meets at the township library and two of the librarians take turns heading the discussion. There are about 8 members and the discussion was really fun with a bunch of different opinions. Last month we read The Lace Reader and this month’s book is Persepolis, which is a genre I’ve never read before so it should be interesting. I hope that it continues to go as well as the first meeting. I know the books are picked for the next couple months, so I’m interested to see the process for picking the books and being able to have a say in that.
I’ve never been in a book club. But I just gave you a blog award!. Come check it out.
I think the bottom line is, it will depend on your mix of people, do you have similar reading goals and interests. I agree with the person who said you need to establish some guidelines. I’ve been in book clubs that ended up turning into social nights where no one read the book–and as fun as socializing is, that’s not what I signed up for. I joined another one and found that their “unwritten” rules included no books over 200 pages, and preferably books that had been/were about to be movies. That didn’t work for me either.
Figure out what people do/don’t want to read, ask them to make a commitment to reading the book. Set aside a certain amount of the book club time to be devoted to the book, and those that show up for social hour should have to keep quiet until the book discussion is over. I’ve heard of many book clubs that dissolved based on that last rule not being enforced.
I love this post, because I’m in the exact same position. I started a book club and our first meeting is this Tuesday. None of the members (including myself) have ever been in a book club before, so I really have no idea what to expect. If you have any tips or reflections about how your first meeting went, I would love to hear them!
Hope your group worked well. I really think it is all about the personalities in the group, well, and book choice. I have a girlfriend who uses her book club as a reason/excuse to drink wine, so that could also be an incentive.
I was in one I loved, but moved and have never found another as good, so I’m currently clubless!
Your post was so cute! I love my book club but its just as much a “drink wine, eat good food, give moral support and love” group as it is a book group. The book is there when we run out of everything else to talk about!
[...] Losing my [book club] virginity… [...]
I think I may have picked a sour book that may encourage the others not to attend the next gathering! Any advice? I thought maybe I could suggest a second book that is sure to form some interest and review both. Or should I just prepare for the worst and hope for the best?!
That’s a tough call. My club is only in its 5th month, and so far, we’ve had good luck. There was one book that no one really loved (but no one hated it, either), but we all finished it, and it gave us a lot to talk about. Maybe send a group email to the club and ask for feedback/responses to the book so far. If your group is up for finishing it, go forward with that and have a good conversation. If not, you can either select a second book, or just get together and talk about other things you’ve been reading, too.
[...] collect the best book club books for 2009, and even though I’m no book club expert (in fact, I just lost my book club virginity this spring), I spent enough time as a bookseller to know when a book begs for discussion, and I couldn’t [...]