Connect
Sponsors
Currently Reading
-
Terms
The Book Lady's Blog is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
Reviews and articles posted here are property of The Book Lady's Blog and are not to be posted elsewhere without permission. Please contact me if you wish to post any of my work, or any excerpt thereof, in any other location or format.
Miscellaneous
Meet Bookrageous!
Technical Stuff
Design Credits
Dec
27
It's December 27th…I made it! (Adventures in Bookselling, v.11)
2008 at 11am Posted by Rebecca Joines Schinsky
Welcome back! Hope you all had a wonderful holiday. It’s December 27th, which means I officially survived another bookselling holiday season. The store continues to be busy, but people are significantly less frantic than they were on the 24th, which is a relief, and I’m loaded with AiB stories to tell you from the last couple weeks. So grab your coffee and settle in, because this is going to be a long one.
What we have here is a failure to communicate…
The defining feature of holiday shoppers seemed to be that they were either so focused on what they wanted or so frazzled from last-minute shopping that they couldn’t seem to understand what I was saying to them. During normal conditions, I try to rephrase something to make sure the customer understands what I’m saying, but lately, I’ve taken to just repeating myself over and over until it finally sinks in. My coworkers have, too.
#1
About a week ago, with a line six people deep at the Info desk, I was helping a little old lady who wanted to find a Bible with a concordance in the back.
Me: Ma’am, I’m sure some of our study Bibles have concordances, but I don’t know off the top of my head which ones. Here (pointing to shelves) are the study Bibles. You’ll just want to look through those until you find one that fits what you’re looking for.
Little old lady: Well! I can’t believe you don’t have a Bible with a concordance in the back. It’s a simple feature!
Me: Ma’am, I’m sure some of our study Bibles have concordances, but I don’t know off the top of my head which ones. Here (pointing to shelves) are the study Bibles. You’ll just want to look through those until you find one that fits what you’re looking for.
Little old lady: Then don’t you just have something called a concordance? Just a plain concordance.
(walk around the shelves to the Christian reference area)
Me: Here you go. (handing her Strong’s Concise Concordance)
Little old lady: Oh no, this is much too big. I just want something small. Don’t you have a Bible with one in the back? I have one like that, and that’s what I want.
Me: Yes, we do have those. I’m sure some of our study Bibles have concordances, but I don’t know off the top of my head which ones. Here (pointing to shelves) are the study Bibles. You’ll just want to look through those until you find one that fits what you’re looking for.
(Little old lady returns to Bible shelves and continues looking, while I escape to customer service desk to help someone else.)
_________________________________________________________________________________________
#2
In the middle of a crazy rush, our musicseller called for back-up, and I headed over to see what I could do. Since he was busy at the cash register, he asked me to do a lap through the department to make sure everyone was finding what they were looking for. I approached one young woman who spoke with a very thick Korean accent that I couldn’t understand after several minutes of trying to decipher what she was saying.
In situations like that, I’m sure it’s as frustrating for the person who doesn’t speak English well as it is for me, and I try to be sensitive and to get them to slow down so we can understand each other, but I just wasn’t having any luck. I speak a little French and a little Spanish, but I am pretty useless with Korean. Figuring that Ryan might have more luck with her, or that something she would say would sound familiar enough to jog his memory (since he does, after all, spend 8 hours a day looking at the music stock), I (very apologetically) passed her off to him.
They talked for a few minutes, and then Ryan got the idea to ask her to type the name of the musician she was looking for into the computer. A true stroke of genius.
She typed in “Banny Marrow.”
After several searches that turned up absolutely nothing, Ryan was beginning to think this was some uber-cool indie band he’d never heard of. Then it dawned on him.
“Do you mean Barry Manilow?”
Oh yes.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
More mysteries in bookselling
Just a sampling of the mysteries I solved this holiday season.
A woman in her thirties came to the Info desk on the 23rd and said she was looking for “a book about skulls” to give as a stocking stuffer. Thinking this was a relatively unusual request, I asked her to tell me something else about it.
“Well, it was about these people who went out and found all these different skulls.”
Is it fiction? Nonfiction? Archaeology? Ghost hunting?
“I think it was nonfiction. It was on a table back there (pointing to back of store) a few months ago.”
I ask if she saw it during Halloween and explain that we bring in seasonal items for each holiday and we might not have that book anymore.
“Okay, well it had a skull on the cover, and it was about these people who went out and found all these different skulls.”
I had absolutely nothing to go on but deciced to just type “skulls” into our title search and see what would happen. Lo and behold, we found this:
It is shelved under crafts & hobbies, and each page shows a picture of a skull made out of a different random material, like carved out of a green pepper, or hammered into metal, or something like that. “These people who went out and found all these skulls” was starting to make sense, but finding this one was pure luck.
Just a few minutes later, a guy in his late teens approached and asked me for a book:
“It’s by Tyson 20, something about fighting.”
His teacher had mentioned it in class and he wanted to look into it. He showed me the paper he’d written the note on, and sure enough, it said “Tysons 20.”
Something about Mike Tyson, perhaps? Nope, the search turned up nothing. Nada. Zip.
Then I worked my Book Lady magic and landed on this:
Pretty impressive, yes?
Needless to say, he flipped through a couple pages and realized it wasn’t really what he expected, but he did buy it, and I’d love to hear his reaction if he finishes it.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
Things we don’t do at the bookstore:
A man in his forties approached my coworker Mark and asked for help finding books about “how to keep people from taking your money.” Thinking the man might want information about how to avoid being scammed, Mark suggested a book and then recommended checking websites that list current email and financial scams.
“No, I mean, something more like how to avoid a lawsuit. Or to keep from being sued…to keep people from taking my money.”
Mark walked him to the law section, but he didn’t see what he needed.
“Well, I recently won the lottery, and I’m afraid people are going to try to take my money. I think I’m going to be sued.”
Mark then informed him that what he really needed was a lawyer, not a bookseller.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
In the middle of a huge rush on Christmas Eve, a man who had waited in line for 15 minutes finally made it up to the Info desk for his turn. He handed an envelope to my coworker and asked her if it had enough postage on it. She looked at it, realized that he was mailing it to India, and told him that she had no idea how much postage he would need to send a relatively heavy envelope to India.
He asked how much the stamps were worth, and she pointed out to him that they each (there were 4 or 5 stamps on the envelope) cost 42 cents.
“Well, is that enough to mail this?”
“Sir, I really don’t know. We don’t handle postage here. You need to go to the post office.”
Yes, we know it’s Christmas Eve and the post offices are crazy, but you just wasted a lot of time waiting in line here to ask the Book Lady and her buddy a question we have absolutely no idea how to answer.
______________________________________________________________________________________
A trio of customers who appeared, well, how should I say it…a little bit on the redneck side…came up and asked me for a biography or autobiography of “a guy whose name used to be Freddy Davis.”
“Okay, so I’m looking for Freddy Davis?”
“No, his named used to be Freddy Davis. Now it’s ‘Ali something’ or ‘something Ali.’ He became a Muslim.”
(not having much to go on, I search for Freddy Davis and Freddie Davis and don’t find anything)
“Can you tell me anything else about him? What did he do? Was he famous?
Nope, that’s all they know. His named used to be Freddy Davis (at least that’s what they thought it used to be), and now he’s Muslim, and they saw him on TV…or maybe it was on the radio…
We spent about ten minutes together and couldn’t come up with anything, so I sent them to the biography section and told them to look around and let me know if they found it because I was curious about what it really was.
Alas, they came up empty handed, and I’m still wondering. Any ideas?
_______________________________________________________________________________
Things the Book Lady wants you to know:
1. Yes, I have a trash can back here, and no, I do not want to throw your germy cup away for you. That’s why we have trash cans all over the store.
2. If I’m talking to another customer, do not interrupt, hover, stare me down, or follow me as I walk them through the store. I don’t care how “quick” your question is. Wait your turn.
3. If you see me walking down the aisle at a fast clip, obviously on a mission, do not—I repeat, do not—step in front of me and proceed to move as slowly as possible.
4. Yes, we have a restroom. It’s right through that doorway marked “Restrooms” in really huge lettering. You’re in a bookstore. Learn to read.
5. No, I cannot ring you up at the information desk. That’s why the sign says “Information” and not “Pay here.”
6. The word “biography” is pronounced “by-ography” not “bee-ography.” Learn it.
7. When you come in looking stoned and ask to be taken to the gardening section, then you ask for a book on hydroponics, I know you’re growing weed. I don’t care, but I know. You’re not nearly as slick as you think you are. (and P.S. that giant bud leaf on your shirt isn’t helping your incognito efforts.)
8. When you’re looking for a book, you really don’t need to tell me your life story or explain why you need the book, unless I ask, which means I’m interested and have time to hear it. I especially don’t need to know if:
- you think your husband is cheating
- you know your husband is cheating
- your wife is an alcoholic
- your daughter is dating a guy you hate and you want to break them up (these people always buy Dr. Laura’s Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives)
- you think your teenage son is sleeping with his girlfriend and you want to scare him out of it
- your great-grandfather was a cowboy in New Mexico and that’s what you’re looking for a Western
- that you don’t normally read romances (yeah right) but you just want to try this one
- that you’d prefer a recording of Peter and the Wolf without children’s voices because they freak you out
- you’re falling apart and need something lighter to read
- your therapist recommended it to you
- you and your husband are considering opening your marriage and having another woman move in with you. (Hello, TMI!)
- you’ve just been diagnosed with a weird illness that affects your gastrointestinal functioning in disgusting ways
- you’re 65 and newly married and want to spice up your sex life (I mean, good for you, and I hope I’m having that much fun at 65, but come on. No details, please.)
- you believe that wizards and vampires are Satanic and evil and are corrupting our youth and that you will not be purchasing the next Harry Potter,
- you want to know if I’ve found Jesus. No matter how many times you ask, I’m not going to talk about it with you. And, as my Presbyterian minister best friend would say, I didn’t know he was lost.
And yes, I have been told all of these things (and many more) while hanging out on the bookfloor, usually within earshot of several other customers. Sometimes I feel like I’m on Taxi Cab Confessions.
No related posts.
I used to follow the blog of the guy that makes the skulls out of random materials it’s pretty cool! I didn’t know he had a book out!
On the Freddy Davis thing, I was thinking Sammy Davis Jr. but he converted to Judaism. Hmmm.
I am so glad your survived the holiday! Again, my motto applies…”you can’t fix stupid”.
I can’t believe some of the things people said to you! Amazing!
Hilarious! I espeically loved the “Banny Marrow” story (my daughter in law is Chinese
Muhammed Ali was Cassius Clay; maybe they were getting him and Sammy Davis Jr mixed up?
I seriously LOVE reading your stories! I am laughing out loud while reading them at work.
Keep them coming – even after the holidays!
You’d think it would end after Christmas, but the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day can be just as crazy (if not crazier), because that’s when people start returning the crap they were given or want to spend their gift cards.
So rather than crazy people who vaguely know what they’re looking for, you have crazy people who are angry with what they were given (and looking to get rid of it at whatever retailer will take it) and crazy people with money to spend but absolutely no idea what to spend it on.
Here’s a few more hints and tips for crazy post-holiday shoppers:
1) On the weekend that immediately follows Christmas, please don’t look all surprised and shocked when we tell you something’s out of stock. While we try our best to ensure the popular bestsellers remain in plentiful supply, we will sell out of random obscurities.
2) When a bookseller spends five minutes trying to find a book for you, only to conclude that it’s no longer in store, don’t wander around aimlessly for a few moments before approaching a completely different bookseller to ask exactly the same question. YOU’LL GET THE SAME ANSWER.
I had some woman who ordered an obscure children’s picture book about a month ago. Despite us sending an email confirmation and then a follow-up phone call to remind her it was in, it remained unclaimed after two weeks and was subsequently reshelved. As luck would have it, another customer asked for the book the previous day, which I found and put on hold for her.
So the original customer approaches me and asks for the book. I explain that it wasn’t picked up and had been reshelved, but another customer has since reserved a copy. The original customer looks all skeptical and demands to be taken to the section to see if it’s there. I tell her it won’t be, but I decide to humor her (and who knows, the other customer may have decided not to continue holding it). So I show her the section and, lo and behold, it’s not there. “Can you check the stock room for me?” I explain the situation again, that we just had one copy in stock — the one she ordered — and that it was reshelved and subsequently claimed by another customer. There are no more copies on the shelf. She finally resigns herself to the fact that she won’t be getting this book and our business is concluded.
Five minutes later, there’s a guy at customer services asking a colleague of mine for the exact same book. I recognize the guy as the woman’s husband. She obviously felt unsatisfied with the answer I gave her, so decided to send her husband over to ask my colleague the exact same question. Sensing that my colleague was about to spend 5-10 minutes running around for a book they’ll never find, I interceded by saying, “I had a customer looking for that book five minutes ago — it’s on hold for someone else.”
The guy wasn’t too happy with that, knowing that the mission entrusted to him by wifey had been scuppered, so he asked to be taken to the section where the book is normally shelved. I told him the book wouldn’t be there. He told me to take him there anyway. So I take him back to the section and there’s wifey still searching for the book that’s on hold for another customer. Wifey sees me and says to hubbie, “I thought I told you to ask someone else — HE couldn’t find it for me!”
“Ma’am,” I said, as calmly and politely as possible, “As I’ve explained about three times already, the book you’re looking for is on hold for another customer. I know this for a fact because I personally put the book on hold for her. We have no more copies in store, so we’re not going to find it in this section. I can order another for you or check another store to see if they have one, but the one, single copy that’s in our store is on hold for another customer and is not on the shelf. Asking other members of staff the same question isn’t going to alter this situation.”
“Can’t you check your stockroom to see if you have more out the back?”
Yeah. I think they spent another 30 minutes looking for The Book That Will Not Be Found. Probably asked another two members of staff too.
Seriously, people. Don’t treat me like an idiot.
3) No, everything’s NOT on sale. Yes, I know the major electronics and furniture stores have huge sales on, but that’s because they mark up their products — which typically have four-digit price tags — about 100% during the year and reduce their markup to about 50% during the “sale” period. They’re still ripping you off. We sell books. The markup on books is small enough to begin with that if we cut the price any further we’ll be losing money on the product. So, no, we can’t give you 75% off that $7.99 Patricia Cornwell mass market paperback just because Circuit City are selling $2000 plasma TVs for $1500.
Lorin: That occurred to me as well, but nope. At least, that’s not what they thought.
Mark: Thanks for more great insights! So glad to have you to corroborate my crazy stories
Really, I love these stories of your customers. And no matter how crazy the customers in your stories get, they still make me miss working in a bookstore. Maybe, when I get my residency permit here in Canada I’ll go apply at the two bookstores in town.
Your adventures in Bookselling are hilarious!
Too funny! Thanks for sharing
Robin
no the real travesty is that jeff buckley has the audacity to cover Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rf36v0epfmI
buckley sounds like a choir boy whose pubescent life cycle has yet to reach full velocity
[...] It’s December 27th…I made it! (Adventures in Bookselling, v.11) [...]
My favorite “too much information” moment was probably one of the scariest moments I’ve had bookselling. I made the mistake of helping someone at the info desk while punching out, and the woman looked like the Crazy Cat Lady from The Simpsons. (Sans cats, obviously.) She immediately asked for books about mind control and brainwashing to deal with some vague muttering about “the murdering Nazi bastards next door” (direct quote, there…maybe she threw in a “goddamn” as a descriptor too) and went on a bit of a tirade about it. I quickly dumped her in the science section with the caveat that we “don’t appear to have anything that matches exactly what you’re looking for, but take a look in this section here”…you know, standard answer for ditching a crazed customer. And then I ran like hell out the door.
Oh my stars. At some point I would say something I shouldn’t and lose a customer and my job.
You know I love these!
These are great – thanks for sharing!
The person who was creeped out by the children’s voices on the “Peter and the Wolf” recording cracked me up!
Cat Stevens?
Love the Jesus retort! Or maybe ask if their refridgerator is running.
I thought of Cat Stevens, too. Hilarious post!
o that had me laughing loudly…now I have to get back to work…but I want to say that I will forever call barry manilow, Banny Marrow
Freddie Davis a.k.a. Mr. Khair Aazaad Ali seems to be a Golden Gloves boxer from the Illinois area. I was curious so I cheated and googled
Not nearly as funny as Banny Marrow *bwhahaha* that’s one to remember.