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Dec
15
Book Review: For Keeps edited by Victoria Zackheim
2008 at 2pm Posted by Rebecca Joines Schinsky
We’re stuck with our bodies, so we may as well make peace with them, right? In For Keeps: Women Tell the Truth About Their Bodies, Growing Older, and Acceptance, editor Victoria Zackheim brings together a collection of 27 wonderful essays by women writers (herself included) who examine the complicated relationship between women and their bodies and offer their own experiences in the hopes that others will benefit from them, find inspiration and understanding, and learn to live in their own skin. In the introduction, Zackheim tells us that the desire to create this collection grew out her belief that
our bodies and souls are woven into one beautiful and often bewildering pattern, and that life for many women would be less stressful and more fulfilling if we knew how to live in our bodies, accept our bodies, and stop viewing ourselves through an out-of-focus lense.
Though the essays in For Keeps cover a wide variety of topics and experiences, they are unified by the notion that our bodies are “for keeps,” that we will have them for as long as we live, and that we would be wise to find a way to live with them more peacefully. Here are some of the highlights.
In “Every Eyelash, Mole, and Freckle,” Carrie Kabak discusses her lifelong struggle to accept her body and the fact that it will never live up to her mother’s unrealistic expectations and harsh demands. Many readers will see themselves in Kabak’s experiences, and when, at the age of 46, she is finally able to say to her mother, “It’s my body, Mum, and I’m old enough to do the hell what I like with it,” will cheer for her hard won freedom.
Many of the essays in For Keeps explore illness and injury and their effects on the body, detailing the ways in which their bodies and body images changed and changed their perspective. In “What I Gave Up,” Ellen Sussman writes about athleticism and exercise and chronicles her journey as her body gradually failed her and knocked her out of tennis, running, and yoga before it forced her to look at things differently. Rather than pushing for top performance, she now says, in a kind of serenity prayer for athletes,
What I hope for is this: that I can life in this body without pain; that I can use it as well as I’m able to; and that my mind can accept these changes withthe grace of an athlete.
In “Heavy Lifting,” former Olympic lifter Sally Terrell echoes this idea, telling us first that “scars were my proof that I had suffered and survived,” and later,
Fitness—particularly its false promise of control over our bodies and ourselves—is fickle and illusory.
These women loved to exercise and felt betrayed by their bodies when they were no longer up to their previous levels of performance. In “Dead Bone,” Aimee Liu examines this enthusiasm and the quest for bodily perfection:
We exercise zealots…believed that ours was a higher cause. The logic that guided us was the same that has, through the centuries, justified foot binding, corsets, plastic surgery, and hair shirts—a logic that equates perfection with unnatural suffering.
When Margaret Beth Duxler underwent treatment for a tumor in her heart, she too felt betrayed by her body. In “Impossible Geometry,” she discusses the emotional and physical ramifications illness and her unsuccessful attempts to get away from the pain, even for just a moment.
Now I understand. Animals don’t know that they are dying. They can’t distinguish pain that is inflicted from within. They run to get away from the pain. They are trying to save their live.
And in “The Teardrop,” Rochelle Jewel Shapiro reminds us of the importance of knowing and listening to our bodies: “I thought my body had betrayed me; by not listening to its messages, I had betrayed it.”
Of course, no discussion of women and our bodies would be complete without a few meditations on our bodies as vessels of sexuality and pleasure. In “The Body is My Land,” Leora Solkin-Smith writes about her first sexual discoveries and the ways in which her memories of feeling pleasure helped her journey out of depression. Of her early adolescent experiences, she writes, “I don’t know if I am a piece of coal on fire, smoldering, or a flower, my flesh succulent like a petal.” I read that and thought “Yes. We have all been there.” It is truly a beautiful story. Equally inspiring and lovely in its own way is Joan Price’s “Making Love and Joy in Seasoned Bodies,” in which she discusses a later-in-life romance and the benefits of age and experience.
We were as giddy and frisky as a couple of teenagers but with the added richness of decades of experience and self-knowledge. In fact, it was, and continues to be, the best sex I have ever experienced.
And with this line from “Holes,” Abby Frecht wins the award for best opening line: “Except that it costs me my whole deductible, I enjoy my hysterectomy.”
For Keeps is a marvelous collection by women for women, and I found it to be a thoroughly satisfying read. As with any collection, some pieces are better than others, but on the whole, these essays are compelling, intelligent, insightful, and inspiring. I laughed and cried right along with the writers, and even when they wrote about experiences I didn’t wholly understand or identify with, I gained something from their pieces. I heartily recommend For Keeps for women readers and anyone interested in women’s studies, gender, body image, and the complex relationships women have with our bodies. I also think it would be a fantastic resource for older adolescent readers who are beginning to face many of the issues presented in the essays and who would enjoy hearing from older, wiser women who have been there and lived to tell about it. 4.5 out of 5.
Special thanks to Victoria Zackheim for sending me this wonderful collection!
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Great review. This sounds like a fabulous book. The last collection of essays by women for women that I read was one on women travellers. I think it’s about time I pick up another collection, and this one looks good.
This does sound like a great collection. I always enjoy reading the different writing styles and viewpoints of authors in these kinds of collections. Thanks for the great review
That sounds wonderful. I absolutely love the cover!
I’m so jealous! I featured this book on a Friday Finds post recently and would love to read it too, all the more so after reading your review!
A beautiful review for an important and remarkable book. And more than a little satisfying that my essay was mentioned.
It sounds like a wonderful book. I’m adding it to my TBR.
That is such an important mindset, especially in today’s use and toss mentality. I love getting older, and aging gracefully is so much prettier than the alternative. Thanks so much for this review, I would love to read this!! Great review, and thanks for sharing those quotes.
Sounds like an interesting collection of stories and I love the cover!
[...] reviewed two books this week: For Keeps, a great collection of essays by women writers about bodies, aging, acceptance, and all kinds of [...]
This popped up in a Google alert and I want to thank everyone for the wonderful comments. This anthology was truly a labor of love. It’s been quite a stretch of time between publication and today, yet I still pick up the book and savor the essays.
Rebecca, thanks again!