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Sep
16
Gift Card Giveaway Finalists
2008 at 8am Posted by Rebecca Joines Schinsky
A few days ago, I asked you to share funny stories in the same vein as my Adventures in Bookselling posts, and now it’s time to put the finalists up for a vote and see who will walk away with the $25 gift card to Barnes & Noble.
And no, you don’t have to get a Twilight card…I just thought it was the prettiest. Check out the finalists below and vote using the poll at the bottom of this post. Voting closes at 11:59pm EDT this Thursday, September 18th. I’ll announce the winner on Friday morning as we wrap up BBAW. Everyone who doesn’t win will be entered in a runners-up drawing for a $10 gift card and an ARC from my shelf.
Happy voting!
#1 Gator-Cake?
I used to work in the food department for a national Southern lifestyle magazine, and we would always have readers call in with questions about recipes from the magazine. One of my responsibilities was to talk them through the recipe to see what went wrong.
One woman called in quite irritated that a popular cake had not turned out right. We went through the recipe list and she insisted that she followed it correctly and didn’t make any substitutions.
After about 30 minutes of trying to figure out why the cake didn’t turn out right, I decided to go through the ingredient list ONE more time with her. We got to this ingredient: 1 can lemon-lime soda (okay, what are you thinking? 7-UP? Sprite?), and she said, “Right. I used Gatorade. Right?”
That’s time out of my life that I’ll never get back.
#2 Kids Say the Darndest Things
On a dark and chilly mid-December evening, after strapping a squirming 15 month-old Allison into her car seat, I accidentally slammed the van’s sliding door on my 3-year-old’s finger. I couldn’t have felt worse as I drove to the hospital. When we arrived in the emergency room’s triage area, there were cops everywhere. Apparently it was a rough night for everyone. Thankfully they seemed to put Emma on a fast track. We were seen by the doctor by 8:30. No bones were broken and the nasty laceration was superficial. The doctor told us that a nurse would come and clean it up and get her ready to go home.
The relief made us both playful and we tickled and giggled together until we heard a noise. I thought it was the nurse. It wasn’t the nurse. It was a young prisoner from a local county jail dressed in white and black stripped prison garb. The noise we heard was from the shackles around his ankles.
“Mommy, why is he wearing those ugly shoes and where did he get those jingle bells?” Emma asked. In her defense, those prison issue rubber flip-flopping things were darn ugly.
I whispered in her ear that the man was a prisoner and it wasn’t nice to talk about people because it hurts their feelings. She nodded her head in agreement. In what I thought at the time was the loudest whisper ever, she asked, “Why is he in jail?”
“I don’t know.” I whispered.
“Did he beat someone up with a punch? Is that why he’s here?”
“I’m not sure.”
“Did the jail give him those jingle bells for Christmas?”
I again whispered in her ear that it wasn’t our concern why he was in jail and that he was here because he wasn’t feeling well. She was quiet for a while and then tried to get off the gurney to get a closer look. As gently as I could, I held her back and told her that it wasn’t nice to look at people like that. In what actually was the loudest whisper ever, “You’re right. Mommy! It’s not nice to look at naughty people. I don’t like people looking at me when I’m in time out and I have pretty shoes!”
As a sign of mercy from above, the nurse finally came and cleaned Emma up. She was a trooper and didn’t flinch or cry. When she finished, the nurse showed us out to the waiting room. I wonder who was most thankful that we were on our way home – me, or the prisoner with the ugly shoes and the jingle bells?
#3 It’s A Full Moon Out Tonight!
The Fourth of July weekend was an unusual adventure for me this year. That Friday night we went to watch the fireworks down by the river. My husband and kids were getting snacks from the vendors and I was saving our seat on the grass. As I turned from the vendors to look at the river I was horrified to see the big bare bottom of the man sitting in front of us – his pants falling far below what’s acceptable in public. I was grateful the kids weren’t there at that moment.
The next day, we went to see Thomas the Tank Engine, and as we boarded the train I saw this lady with completely see-through shorts and thong underwear (and an interesting tattoo that was visible). Again, thankfully, my kids didn’t see it. So we boarded the train, and the kids and my husband went to the front of the open car, while I saved our seat. Then the man sitting in front of me, who happened to have droopy drawers, stood up and I got to see the moon once again. At this point I was starting to wonder why I was the “lucky” one receiving repeated viewings of things I had no desire to see.
Sunday we went to see another fireworks show. This time my husband took the kids to the carnival rides while I saved our seat. In front of me was a teenage girl and her boyfriend. They were wrestling, and he picked her up, slung her over his shoulder, and . . . you guessed it – I got a full view once again.
So the lesson that I learned from this crazy weekend? Almost all of these viewing experiences happended when I was saving our seat. Next time I will have someone else save our seat!
#4 The Joys of Customer Service
I worked in customer service at a call center for an office supply store and often got the crazies tranferred to my line because I handled Spanish speaking customers and my collegues would simply transfer over ANYONE they didn’t understand and tell me they spoke Spanish.
So one day I got transfered this woman from Louisiana who had such a thick Creole accent that my collegue passed her on.
ME: Hola!
CUSTOMER: What de hell d’you say missy?!
ME: (swears at collegue under breath) What can I do for you today?
CUSTOMER: I’m lookin’ for ‘un of dem typewriters. A black ‘un.
ME: We don’t sell typewriters here.
CUSTOMER: The hell you don’t. I saw ‘em in your catalog.
ME: What page?
CUSTOMER: (flipping through pages) 135.
ME: Those are computer keyboards. Do you have a computer?
CUSTOMER: No.
ME: You have to connect those to a computer before you can use them.
CUSTOMER: Oh. Don’t have ‘un of dem.
ME: Can I do anything else for you?
CUSTOMER: D’you got trash bags?
ME: Yes, please take a look at page 200.
CUSTOMER: D’you got any big enough to fit a human bein’ in?
ME: Our largest size is 20 gallons.
CUSTOMER: That big enough for a whole grown body? Kinda fat?
ME: Ummmm….I’m really not sure. That’s not my area of expertise.
CUSTOMER: You ain’t gonna help me missy?! Lemme talk to yo manager.
ME: Sure thing. Hold please!
My manager ended up calling the police afterward, though we never heard what happened – if she was a killer, a crazy, or just really wanted very large trash bags.
#5 The Not-So-Friendly Skies
I am a pilot for one of the big airlines out there and there are still a lot of passengers who are surprised – and sometimes a little upset – to see a female airline captain.
We were boarding the plane in Newark, NJ not too long ago and my co-pilot was a brand-spanking-new, just-out-of-the-training-chute newhire who, as competent as he was, had the appearance of a 15 year-old. As usual, when the boarding process gets clogged up, the passengers just entering the plane have more than enough time to turn and get a good look in the cockpit.
We usually just go about our business getting the plane ready to go, but this time I heard a voice say “hello” and both me and my co-pilot turned in our seats to see an elderly couple (95 years old, if they were a day!). We both greeted them and had turned back to our duties when I heard the woman loudly say, “(*insert expletive* ) Harold! Did you see who’s flying this plane!? It’s a woman and a little kid! Let’s get out of here.”
Sure enough, they turned around and got off the plane. I guess you don’t get to age 95 without being cautious. I just quietly reached back and closed the cockpit door
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There you have it, folks. Hit the polls!
[polldaddy poll="929466"]
[...] contest is closed for entries. Click here to vote for the best [...]
[...] unknown wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptA few days ago, I asked you to share funny stories in the same vein as my Adventures in Bookselling posts, and now it’s time to put the finalists up for a vote and see who will walk away with the $25 gift card to Barnes & Noble. … [...]
These are great, it was hard to pick just one!
oh dear–I’m not sure I can pick just one!
Love the pilot story ROTFL!!!
[...] forget to cast your vote for the best Adventures in Life story and decide who will win the $25 gift card [...]
This was tough decision, but I did it!
Okee dokee! They were all good though!