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27
Have you hugged your feral cat today? (Or, Adventures in Bookselling)
2008 at 10am Posted by Rebecca Joines Schinsky
As I flipped through old posts last night, I realized that I talk about my job a lot, and many of you seem interested in what I do and envious that I get to spend my days talking about books with other people who love talking about books and helping my clients and customers find what they’re looking for. And you’re right to be envious–it’s a great job, and it’s given me an opportunity to meet and connect with readers, educators, authors, and fellow bibliophiles I wouldn’t have otherwise met. So, even though I occasionally have to stay up way past my bedtime to sell horrid teen vampire romance books to throngs of squeeling adolescents, it’s balanced out by the wonderful people I meet….and by the unintentionally entertaining customers who often have no idea what they’re looking for.
When I was a therapist in my pre-bookselling life, I was often asked (usually by people at parties, on airplanes, etc.) to talk about the weirdest or most unusual things I had heard from a client. Since I was an ethical therapist, I, of course, didn’t talk about these things. Now that I sell books, I wish people would continue to ask me this question because some pretty funny things go down when you work with the general public. Especially during the “Back to School” craze. Here are a few of my favorites:
Scenario #1
Customer (a college-aged student): “Um, I need a book called Emily. My English teacher said we have to have it.”
Bookseller (unfortunately, I wasn’t lucky enough to get this one): “Emily? Do you mean Emma? By Jane Austen?”
Customer: “No, it’s called Emily. See, I wrote it down (points to paper)–Emily.”
Bookseller: “Do you have the class syllabus or anything with the author’s name or the ISBN on it? I don’t know of a book called Emily” (searches store database and finds nothing called Emily that looks appropriate for a college English class). “There’s really not a book called Emily. Let me show you Emma.” (They walk to the shelves)
Customer: “No, that’s not it. The book my teacher had was silver.”**
Bookseller: “Okaaaaay. It was silver. But I still don’t see a book called Emily, even with a silver cover. Can you tell me anything else about it?”
Customer: (long pause) “Well, it’s not a book you read.”
Bookseller: “Not a book you read? Is it a picture book?”
Customer: “No, it’s for a college English class. I think it’s about writing or something” (why she didn’t mention this before, I don’t know)
Bookseller: “Oh, you mean the MLA guide. MLA, not Emily. Next time, it might help if you brought the syllabus.”
** You would be amazed by the number of people who think we can find a book if we just know what color the cover is. Now, if the cover design is distinctive, memorable, or unique, or if you describe it very well, that might help, but “It was blue with green writing, and I saw it on a table at the front of the store a couple months ago” is not helpful. Neither is “I don’t remember the author’s name or what the the book is about, but the title had (insert very generic/common word here) in it.”
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Scenario #2 (just last week)
(Phone rings)
Me: “Good morning. This is Rebecca.”
Caller: “Yes, I’d like to set up a tour of the store for my school-aged children.”
Me: (confused because we only coordinate tours for school groups, not individuals or families) “Are you a homeschooler?”
Caller: “No, I just want to set up a tour for my school-aged children”
Me: “Do you mean you want a tour for your family?” (because there’s no way in hell that’s happening)
Caller: “No, I have a group of school-aged children, and I’d like to bring them for a tour.”
Me: “Okay, are you calling from a school?”
Caller: “Yes” (finally, we’re getting somewhere). I’m calling from (insert name of local school I haven’t heard of–and I’ve heard of most of them).”
Me: “Okay, how many students are in your group?”
Caller: “We have about 25.”
Me: “How old are they?” (this makes a big difference in determining what kind of activities I plan)
Caller: “Well, they’re school-aged.”
Internal Monologue (did she really just say that? And what the hell does that mean? Are they 5? Are they 18? Are they 5 through 18?)
Me: “More specifically, what age or grade level are they? I’d like to plan an event that is specific and age-appropriate.”
Caller: “Oh, they’re preschool through second grade.”
So we continued our conversation, and everything worked out just fine, but really, “school-aged children?” And why didn’t she call and just say from the get-go, “Hi, this is Susie Q. from Generic Preschool, and I’d like to bring a group of students for a tour”? Seriously. People are strange.
This is what I found when I did a Google Image search for “school-age children”
___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Scenario #3 (which happened one morning last week, before I’d even had my signature Grande Peppermint Mocha, stirred, light whip cream)
(Phone rings)
Me: “Good morning, this is Rebecca.”
Caller: “Hi, my name is Blah Blahblah, and I’m a publicist for Gobbledygook Books” (clearly, I’m changing names to protect the innocent…or ignorant…or, nevermind). “I work with an author from your area who has written a book about cats, and she’s interested in doing a signing in your store.”
So far, this seems pretty normal. I get calls and drop-in visits like this all the time.
Me: “Okay, can you tell me more about the book? Is it a children’s book or a book about pets? How would you describe it?”
She proceeds to describe the book, which is apparently written for adults, but classified as Christian/Inspiration, and is written entirely from the perspective of the cats. Okay. For adults. Really?
Me: “Well, I generally do one or two signings per month, and I’m all booked up in September and December. What timeline were you thinking about?”
Caller: “She can really come anytime, but she would really like to do it on October 16th to coincide with National Feral Cat Day. We were you thinking you could tie that into your marketing and get the audience really excited about it.”
Internal Monologue (National Feral Cat Day? WTF? How am I supposed to market that? “Have you hugged your feral cat today?” “Come celebrate feral cats–bring yours and join the party!” “Buy a book, get a free rabies vaccine!”)
I rein in my snarkiness, request a review copy of the book and a publicity package (a word to the wise: never schedule a book signing without having actually seen and read the book. Bad things happen.), and tell her I’ll get back to her. Then I immediately hit Google to look for publicity ideas. I think I’ll start with these:
So there you have it….the life of a bookseller/community relations guru/event planner/feral cat activist.
What’s your weirdest work story? Tell me. I really want to know.
But first, I want you to enter to win an ARC of The Gone-Away World. My contest closes today at 11:59 EDT.
Done? Now, tell me your weirdest work story. I know you have one.
No related posts.
I finally decided to write a comment on your blog. I just wanted to say good job. I really enjoy reading your posts.
These are hilarious!
My weirdest work story would probably be when I was working at the Federal Election Commission, and a lady called to ask if I could submit her name to the Senate for a nomination for a vacant commissioner post. I told her that nominations were handled through the office of the president, and as I was an analyst and didn’t personally know the president, I really couldn’t help her.
I work at a job that sucks, but pays very well, and nothing weird ever happen here. ever.
but I enjoyed your stories!
I loved the stories, especially the first one since I have a college aged son.
Nothing particularly entertaining happens at my office, unless we make it happen. We DID have Office Olympics (as in NBC’s The Office) a couple of Fridays ago in honor of a girl who loves the show and was leaving. We have video of some of the events.
THAT is entertaining.
Swapna: I don’t know the president, either. And I definitely don’t know the CEO of my company or have access to his direct phone line…but you’d be surprised how many customers think I can take their trivial complaints on a hotline to him at any moment.
DoB: I LOVE that you did the Office Olympics. That’s hysterical, and I’m now on a mission to find a way to make that happen here in the store. Awesome!
In the meantime, I think I’ll send a fax to my counterpart at another store and address it as such:
To: Rachel
From: Future Rachel
Message: Someone has poisoned the coffee. Do not drink the coffee.
Thanks for the laughs!
Best post I’ve read from a book blogger in a long time. And I read A LOT of posts.
I had to stifle my giggles otherwise people on the other side of my cubicle walls would figure out I’m probably not working.
I KNOW strange things like that have happened to me, but I can’t get YOUR experiences out of my head.
What bookstore do you work at, by the way? Independent? Or a chain? If it’s a chain, I hope you work at Borders.
That Emily/MLA story…SO FUNNY!
Oh, that’s hilarious. I used to work in a university bookstore, and though there were plenty of weird things than happened, I can’t remember anything specifically off the top of my head. Except… There was this fall back-to-school rush–we always hired temps to run extra registers during beginning-of-term rushes–when somehow the temp agency sent us a cashier who could NOT count money. The machine told her to give .34 change; she’d grab a random number of various coins, usually way more than the amount on the digital display. Apparently, she’d held a number of temp positions which required her handling money, and no one had ever noticed before that she couldn’t count money.
What fantastic stories. I think these should be put into a book….novel…what have you. It would have me laughing for hours!
Oh my gosh–you just crack me up….my fav was the feral cat story, because, and I say think with three cats staring up at me…cat people can be sooo strange!!
I ran a daycare center for about 15 years…people are weird. Once a woman called me up, asked my rates and hours, and then said she’d bring her baby in the morning. I said I could do an interview at 10am, after breakfast, art and storytime, but that wouldn’t work. She had to be to work at 8 and had an hour and a half commute, so she’d drop off her…*gulp eight week old baby at 6:30. What, like she didn’t have any warning her maternity leave was ending? She just woke up one day and said, “Gee, gotta go to work tomorrow morning, guess I’d better find a place to dump the baby?” I said…uh…nope…don’t take kids without spending some time with them and their folks first…its just a whole lotta crazy otherwise.
Also had parents who wanted me to limit the food intake of the 9 month old baby, who wasn’t fat at all…so she wouldn’t get fat.
One parent requested that I learn to speak Spanish, French or Chinese, so her little one could grow up fluent in two languages. She said she was too busy to learn another language, but it would “enhance my interaction with the children”
One mom got mad at me because I wouldn’t let her little boy watch Power Rangers. Hey..he got all KungFooey and Karate kicky watching it and I was afraid he’d take out another kid.
But the worst..was the dad of a little boy, who’s mom had committed suicide when the little boy was 9 months old. She was manic depressive. By the time the kid was 4 and a half, he had these odd behavior cycles. He would either stay on the couch and watch the other kids play for a couple of weeks, or he’d run in circles, screaming and flapping his hands. I kept talking to dad, trying to explain that this isn’t good, and munchkin needed help. Dad would respond with a nod and say..”hmmm” and that would be it. I even videotaped it for him…I was so glad when he started school, at least I figured the dad would have to listen to the teachers. Sure enough, poor little kid was popped right into all kinds of programs. I lost touch, but think of him often.
Loved my daycare kids….not so crazy about some of the parents!!
I laughed out loud. Twice! Then forwarded the link to my dh who works in a library. Thanks for brightening a dreary, rainy, fall-is-coming day.
Hilarious stuff. Have you hugged your feral cat today? Still laughing.
Pat
I found this post after you mentioned it on LT (I’m lindsacl there). Just wanted to add to the round of applause going on in your comments. Great stuff and if you were to make it a regular feature, I’m sure you’d have an audience!
I’m adding your blog to my Google Reader right this minute!
Too funny! Keep the stories coming!
LOL! I am so glad I’m at home reading this and not at work. I can only think of one thing that happened, but it’s not nearly that funny. I admit to having a Master’s Degree, but I don’t think that my vocabulary is anything out of the ordinary. If you read my “Inside the Reader’s Studio” post you’ll understand. Anyway, one day I said something that completely befuddled my co-workers to the point where they didn’t believe it was really a word. I pulled out my dictionary to prove it. I got teased mercilessly for the rest of the day for even having a dictionary. The next day there was a post it note sticking to my dictionary that said, “You planted that word, you damn dirty Republican!” The co-worker who wrote the note has long since left the company, but I have left that note on there ever since because it cracks me up. I had no idea that using a dictionary automatically signed you up in the Republican party.
That MLA story had me laughing so hard I had to put down my coffee. I saw your link on LT – oh no, another great blog to read!
I didn’t have a funny work story till about 2 months ago…but now I do! I lecture stats to first year undergrads, around 250 of them, and in my last class of last term there I was, standing by the overhead projector going over old exam questions, when two guys ran into class totally naked except for yellow masks over their faces. After a couple of minutes of running around me at the front of the room they ran out, leaving me and the rest of the class in hysterics. And then we went back to hypothesis testing
I have no clue who they were!
Right, back to…er…work. and a bit more LT.
Ha ha ha! I have a couple friends who work in bookstores, and I’ve heard a lot of their stories, but these are particularly weird.
One time, in Borders, an employee gave me a good scolding for buying comics for my son from Borders. He said I needed to go across the street to the independent comic shop and never buy comics from a chain store again. Didn’t I know that comic shops all over the country were being put out of business by big stores like Borders? He had a great point, and I took his advice, but I hope he never let his store manager hear him talk like that.
Hehehehe. That was a funny post. When I hear of stories like the ones you shared, all I can say is this:
“You can’t fix stupid”
Here is one of my all time faves:
When I was going to college I worked my way thru school as a bank teller. We had just had a particularly scary, takeover robbery and I was completely shaken. Our branch manager was an (arse) and made us reopen. A customer came in and was visibly ticked that we had been closed. I told her that we had been robbed so we had to close until the report had been filed. This is what she said to me, “You didn’t give them MY money did you?” I stopped cold, looked right at her told her, “Yeah, actually I took it right out of your account”. She flipped out as I was walking out the door.
Great stories, thank you for sharing them! I especially loved the Emily one, although the feral cats are pretty hard to beat too. Did that book signing ever happen?
Love these
Nothing crazy every happened to me, but I enjoyed reading about everyone else’s experiences!
National Feral Cat Day. I’ll never look at October 16 the same again. Your stories, esp. the feral cat one, had me laughing out loud, and this late in the evening after a crappy (can I say that here?) day at the office and a strenuous 40 min. workout on the elliptical, that’s quite an achievement!
I’m glad you linked to this from LT – it is truely a work of art! I have some awesome stories from the days I worked in customer service and you’ve inspired me to write a post about them (someday soon, promise). Thanks!
Literate Housewife: I love that story! I wish my coworkers would leave me funny post-its. When I broke my hand a few years ago, my hubby had to help me shower and dress, and he left me a note one morning with a quote from the Simpsons that said “I wash myself with a rag on a stick.” It was hilarious, and I still have it.
Also, I use my dictionary and dictionary.com frequently, and I am most assuredly not a Republican.
I worked as a bookseller for years, customers are fantastic for great stories!
I love the stories! When I hate my job I dream of working at B&N, but then I remember how well my current job pays, and well…I’m still here.
In my previous life as a teacher I once had a kid pants his classmate, who happened to be standing on a chair at the time. It was when baggy pants were all the fashion, and not only did the pants come down, so did the underpants. Luckily, the kid had his back to the class…and quick reflexes.
I work in a small, quiet public library, so I had a hard time containing my laughter when I read this.
I don’t have any good stories to share off the top of my head, but I do get them occasionally. In my two years of working with the public (I did a stint in technical services before moving to circulation at my old job, and I’m a circulation/reference hybrid right now), I have had a lot of people try to find certain books and only being able to tell me about the color of the cover… or they’ll give me an author name that’s a combination of two authors- and when I finally ferret out what they’re looking for, it’s a completely unrelated author…).
Such is the life of serving the public in the book world.
[...] 29, 2008 by Rebecca When I posted about my life as a bookseller (and, apparently, as a wrangler of feral cats) earlier this week, my friend and coworker Mark left a [...]
Oh my gosh, these are funny! I’m a SAHM of 4, so my “weirdest things that happened at work” could fill a book
These were great, please post more weirdness when you get it!
Ha! “Have You Hugged Your Feral Cat Today?” should be on tee shirts and posters (I envision these in the bedrooms of teenaged girls). I once captured and took home two feral kittens that I found near The University of British Columbia’s psyc hospital–a mistake, both for me and the kittens. Maybe if I’d had that book…
Thank you for the mention of Fierce. What a pelasant surprise!
Hannah
[...] the title and author of the book. When you don’t, it turns into a total debacle. Remember the MLA/Emily misunderstanding from last week? If your teacher tells you that you need to pick a book that meets [...]
[...] asked for a book called Flaming Panties. One of our best booksellers (the same one who solved the Emily/MLA mystery from a few weeks ago) dutifully typed “Flaming Panties” into our system and got [...]
I’m a SAHM to quadruplets and a baby. My most recent funny story was when the 2 year-old colored the cat with markers. http://dolanblog.wordpress.com/2008/08/10/all-the-colors-of-the-rainbow/ The cat is not feral, but I do kick her out into the garage every few days.
My best story was when the quads were about 2 and my husband had them at home by himself. They got into syrup and then kitty litter. http://dolanblog.wordpress.com/2008/03/11/tar-and-featherings-modern-cousin-syrup-and-kitty-littering/ New concept to tar-and-feathering.
Loved the book stories, but I have to admit that I have been the clueless customer on occasion, asking for things like a “book with a red cover with recipes”. I apologize for our entire species.
[...] writing about my experiences at work in my Adventures in Bookselling series (which can be found here, and here, and here, and here), and I love it when you guys chime in and share your own funny [...]